Aangan - Hari Hari (Discontinued)

Jiya jale Part 1

This story is mostly going to be from chammi's pov but occasional Jameel's pov. This is my first time writing , episode 6 gave me a bit insight in chammi's character and this just what i thought .I did write this in roman urdu as well but my urdu is not that great , all i have learnt is my watching dramas and movies , so if you want i can post it .

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As I lay on the run down carpet placed on the terrace looking up at the sky all I could think about in that moment was how our life was like the sky above us , sometimes it's filled with light and other times just darkness.However, my life seems to be constantly like the sky today, occupied by these dark grey clouds stopping the moon and the stars to shine through as if portraying the story of my life , where the minute the stars start shining through ,the clouds slowly just engulf them in their darkness bring back the raging storm inside me .

Wherever I go all I hear is that 'Chammi you've changed so much ' but the truth is I'm tired and lost from this blessing we call life .Yes there was a time when these grey clouds would bring joy to me , they would represent the beautiful feeling of love but now it seems like every single drop of this water ignites this fire in my whole body that no water can distinguish .

I always wanted to spread happiness even if it was at the expense of making myself a joke,Those silly antics , jumping around and fighting over money was not what defined me but it was I pretended to be or wanted to be maybe - this carefree and full of life girl .But behind the closed doors of my room I was that small 6 year old child left by Aba at my bare chacha's place whose love came after every month in form of 10 rupees order . As a child I saved my money , so I could give it someone who I love as that is what I thought people did just like my Aba.

I never understood the difference between a house and a home , until I read it somewhere and I knew this was a house i lived in and my home was maybe something I could get in the future ,Why ? because house is a place you feel at peace , let go of yourself and most importantly feel loved and have a sense of belonging which I never did.For dadi i was this 'manhoos affat and musibat' that was not accepted by her stepmother and for bari chachi's a devil who always blamed her innocent sons for everything wrong I did .And the last person Jameel ji who I thought gave me a feeling of belonging was just an illusion , for him I was the path he could walk on to gain success and this broke me .

Jameel the person I hated the most and at the same time loved the most .I always ask myself that why didn't the behaviour of everyone else hurt me that much as his behaviour .The only thing that I could come up with was that I thought he understood me , who knew that sometime I was trying to hide tears behind that smile but there is a big difference between what we want to believe and what the reality is .Our relationship was a bit unusual even though we were cousins , he always asked me not to call him bhaiya but Jameel and that we shared a bond of friendship . I was mesmerized by him , the way he talked , walked , his poetry and anger everything about him just drew me closer to him .

I vividly remember the day he gave me back my money that his younger brother Shakeel stole ,which again everyone assumed I lied except him. From that day onward i never understood why he was suddenly so interested in me, he held my hands so many times and flirted with me which spread a warmth inside my dead heart. But little did I know this sudden interest was just for my money and whenever I touch the hand he once held , all I want to is wash and rub it until the skin just peels off . Don't get me wrong he never treated me bad but he barely acknowledged me and I just think if he would have just asked for that money I would have happily given it to him , but that false help is what crushed me .