Aangan - Hari Hari (Discontinued)

Fate

More than three months passed and I didn't hear anything back from Shahid , I wrote to his khala but found out that he only stayed there for a week. There was this heavy feeling forming in my stomach that I could not explain .Shahid didn't contact his mother or sister either so , it can't be that this silence was only because of me . At first we dreaded the worst - what if he was dead but after two weeks into radio silence we kept getting money sent by him. It was even more confusing then , it didn't mean that Shahid did not care but what was eating him I had no idea.

Safdar bhai came to visit as he promised and I had to tell him everything . I asked him if he could help . At first he was really angry and I have never seen him like that , he told me that he'll take me with him but I told him I couldn't .I created a family here and I was still hopeful. He left after a day promising me that he'll look for Shahid but if anything goes wrong I need to contact him immediately .

I remember it was crisp morning that day , there was a slightly cool breeze swaying the leaves and the sun was hidden behind the dark clouds. A storm is going to coming Ammi had said looking up at the sky. If only I had know about the storm that was shadowing me ready to drown me any moment. There was the postman on the door , Ammi went thinking it would money sent by Shahid but we were surprised when he we got two letters as well one for me and the other for Ammi. I knew that it could not be a good sign , why wasn't her here himself . With all the courage I had in me I walked to the terrace wanting to read the letter alone .

My hands trembled as read :

Dear chammi

I hope your'e doing well . I am sorry that this had to be done this way but I don't have the strength to look you in the eye and tell you the truth so , in this letter I wan't to tell you everything. I don't know if you ever thought why your stepmother who didn't like you would want you to get married in her family and why would my Ammi agree to a small wedding knowing that I'm her only son. The reason is love chammi , I fell in love with beautiful girl -Farah. Farah in a sense was like you , suffered a lot in her life and both of us became friends in no time and when that friendship turned into love I don't remember .However , my Ammi couldn't bear that she was Parsi and she was afraid what the dunya would say and how no one would marry my sister. All this emotional blackmail was too much and I told Ammi that I'll leave Farah if she finds my a girl who'll marry me knowing my whole truth and that too within a week. That girl turned out to be you , your stepmother told me about the accusations but I knew my cousin your stepbrother was a filthy person and told me that girls like you had no option but to say yes. Hence, we were both married . I knew I couldn't give our marriage a chance until I forgot Farah , so I though if I asked you to become friends first it would give me time to forget her and also to get to know you . Don't get me wrong Chammi our friendship is beautiful . Before you Abba died I got to know that Farah had left the city and I knew that there couldn't be anything done so , I thought why not give this marriage a try . And I tried Chammi I really did but the day your Abba made me promise to keep you happy and take care of you plus you also spoke highly of me in front of your family , I felt suffocation and guilt as I realised you didn't know about me and Farah. That night I took a step too far , the guilt and your sorrow made us do something that we shouldn't have and it opened my eyes. That conversation with your Abba made me realise that I could never make you happy and would never be able to give you the love you deserve and want . I saw you and your Abba regret not expressing your love for each-other and mourn about the little time you had with each other. And I can't make that mistake and live the rest of my life regretting if only I had tried harder , I just can't do it Chammi. I found her Chammi , she's broken and she has no one except me .I can't share the love I have for her with you , I mean I do love you as a friend and I want you to have a happy future but that future doesn't lie with me . I married her Chammi and I don't want to start a new phase of my life with lies.I wan't you to forgive me Chammi and I am really sorry .I never wanted to hurt you but I can't betray you any further , I can't just marry her by lying to you . I wan't you to move forward with you life . I have told Ammi about this as well and I know that she loves you a lot so , I know she would be angry but I'll be happy with whatever you decided. I hope you don't take this the wrong way Chammi and I am in no way accusing you but I have seen love and hurt in your eyes when you look at Jameel the same that I had seen Farah's eyes when I told her about our marriage, so I know that he probably hurt you but I can tell that he loves you as well . I don't know what happened between you two but I know there is a history and I don't want you to waste your life . If you love him take a step towards him . Promise me that you'll be happy and hopefully you'll forgive me .

Your friend Shahid.

Numbness took over my body , the letter flying off with the strong winds . I don't know how long I sat there in silence staring into the sky which had turned dark now . Then my eyes fell on the a pigeon in the corner not moving . Before I knew my feet were moving towards that tiny creature. As I knelt down I saw the blood coming out underneath the wings. The sky roared and the rain poured washing away the blood . The dam broke and I cried wailing loudly. I felt arms engulfing me and I looked up to see to it was Ammi but I couldn't feel the warmth . I cried louder for myself this pigeon in my hand whose wings were broken , who probably tried many times to fly to catch up with its flock failing again and again , watching other birds flock away , dying alone suffering on this rough ground and I imagined myself to be that pigeon whose going to die along in the cold with no one there to help me . No matter how hard I tried to listen to Ammi's voice , I couldn't hear her over the screams that shook my body and the thunder that roared about and in no time I was floating into darkness with all the voices /sounds fading in the back , finally peace I thought as I blacked out.

Next time I woke up my head was in Ammi's lap and for a minute I thought it was all a dream but the minute I looked up at her concerned face I knew it was real . I got up quickly remembering her betrayal but dizziness followed . She catches me before I could fall and asked me to sit . I looked at her and asked her why ?, but in response she just looked down and broke , asking fro forgiveness she fell onto my feet . I looked at the women on her knees and found my answer - love , this 4 letter words that makes you do thing that are unimaginable and this is a trap that looks beautiful but it completely swallows the person. I helped her get up thinking we're all pawns in this game of love . I told her that I forgive her and she told me that she would put sense into her son and I shouldn't worry , I stopped her right there telling her that I can't be responsible for ruining someone's life and snatching there happiness. She still insisted on writing to him and I knew there had to something else , so I asked her why she is so adamant knowing she could loose her son.She took hold of my hand and cupped my cheeks with the other , tears fell out of her eyes as she muttered the word PREGNANT. I shook her hands off me and laughed and laughed . I laughed at my Kismat and how stupid was I not to believe daadi when she told me I was manhoos. I laughed at my child's fate . I laughed at how naive could i be to belive that my child would have all the happiness , two loving parents and everything I didn't. I laughed at history repeating itself , I laughed at the possibility of having another Israr, Sadar or Chammi. I laughed until I fell into blackness.

A.n hope you like this , in probably two chapters Jameel would come in but I don't want to rush anything . I'm also going to post new one shots based on episode 13 so , do check it out if you want to .

Thank you for reading.