Aangan - Hari Hari (Discontinued)

Confusion

Sleep was last thing on my mind that night , no matter how hard I tried to shut my mind off i just couldn't. It felt like the walls of this room was closing in on me and I needed to get out . Finally in the courtyard I could breathe , the sky clear with stars shinning bright and the air crisp.

My train of thoughts were disturbed my Jameel Ji .

"Can't sleep ?"

"Sleep would be the last thing on your mind when you have just become an orphan wouldn't it " I snapped

He ignored this and asked me " How are you Chammi , how is life? "

" Honestly I'm not okay right now but I'll survive like always ."

His eyes suddenly lowered " I know this is not the right time but I hope you have forgiven me for everything I did."

i finally had a chance to look at him now . He had stronger upper body , his hair still the same curly hanging slightly over his forehead and instead of a beard there was a moustache. But mostly he looked tired .And then all the memories came back and I replied back ." There is nothing to forgive , we were both immature and going in different paths .I decided to have a fresh start without my past interfering with my future."

"You really do bring love out of people don't you Chammi . Taya jaan completely changed and even asked for forgiveness from Abaa because you told him that with hate we only kill our-self day by day .I'm sorry I couldn't come to your wedding and I hope Shahid is treating you right."

I don't know why I felt there was a deeper meaning to what he just said but Shahid's name bought me back to reality . "Shahid is amazing , he is considerate and takes care of me . He held my hand when times were difficult and I'm thankful of that."

Our conversation was interrupted when Shahid came looking for me and asked me if I was okay . I told him that I was fine and that I needed to catch some fresh air . In his panic he didn't even realise that Jameel Ji was there until he cleared his throat.

They both greeted each other and Jameel told him that he just came to check on her when he saw me outside and now that Shahid is here he can go to sleep peacefully.

Too exhausted we all went inside to sleep . In the morning I had a bit of a chance to sit with Aliya . There was no talk about the past but general questions about my life .Both of us too sensitive to talk about the past , I guess she understood that I didn't want to hear anything about her and Jameel Ji. She told me that I could come and stay with them whenever she felt lonely. I just wanted to laugh , where were these people when I needed them. They didn't even bother to get involved in my happiness my marriage let alone during my sad times.

Everyone was going to leave today . Sadness filled me again the fear of being abandoned taking over my rationale.But I have learned a long time ago to keep my insecurities to myself . There this one person that I didn't really want see leave and that was Jameel Ji . I felt guilty with this thought but I told myself that this was because I haven't seen him in a long time and I'm not thinking straight. It was then goodbyes and tear from then on . As he was leaving I heard him tell Shahid to take care of me as now I'm his responsibility too much Shahid nodded and asked him to visit us one day . While walking out he glanced at me one last time and smiled . There he left me again .

Next few days I saw a major change in Shahid. He took extra care of me asking me always if I was okay or if I needed anything at all . And in that moment I felt guilty about me not being able to give the same love back to him . I finally told him that I was ready to go home now , it was too painful here and he agreed. We left the same day with nothing to look back to in that house .Again I was too emotional when we came back and the comfort I need I found in him . The emotions and exhaustion took the better of us and we consummated our marriage that night.

And that night changed our lives forever.

What I did not expect was that the change would be for the worse. That month I saw his behaviour change from this freindly person to the one who would either ignore me or would be annoyed by small little things. I was so confused with his change in behaviour , Ammi explained it to be extra work load but I knew it was something else. There was almost this guilt in his eyes that I could not understand . When I confronted him about his behaviour he asked me to give him some space and time . That he didn't want to act this way and that he just wanted some time alone to think about our life together. Still confused I told him that he can take time if that's what he wants and it was then decided that he would go to his khala's for a week to clear his mind. When he was leaving he gave me a sad smile and told me that he was sorry. That one word gave chills all over my body telling me something was really wrong here .

A/N - A couple of updates would be smaller as I am too confused with the story line I want to go with , but next one hopefully would be longer than this and Jameel will be re introduced .P.s I do one shots as well for Aangan you can check that out as well if you want .