Aangan - Hari Hari (Discontinued)

Part 3- the broken soul

There is one question that ate me everyday which was why can't I compete with Aliya , no matter what I tried I always came short in front of her . I am not one of those women who would pick another women apart to prove why she was better then her . If i do blame someone that would have to be Jameel Ji alone as I am witness to the number of times she ignored him and would not run after him like me . I just did not understand at first how he said he loved her even though they barely shared the same interests but we did , yes they both were literate but I appreciated his poetry like no one else , supported Muslim league over everyone else's wish whereas she did not like the idea of love or his poetry for a matter of fact . No one asked me if I wanted to study or if he believed how important it was he should have pushed me at least as a friend but he was too busy getting the money he wanted , as one can imagine if they wouldn't let a man study how would I ever have a chance ,yes Aliya studied but that's because of her parents and in my case I didn't have that blessing .

I think maybe now I have an idea why he was obsessed with her or maybe is , there is no doubt she was beautiful but her not showing interest is what made her so attractive to him . She was somoeone who was exiting like a puzzle and was hard to get which was almost like an obsession for him and once he makes up his mind there is no stopping him .He knew how to get everything in his life he wanted one way or another no matter how many hearts he had to crumple on his way to get that.He knew that Aliya did not follow him like I did and that I would always be there like a love sick puppy he could come back to but Aliya was a different territory he wanted excess to .

But slowly I could see them stealing glances or how Aliya would get nervous around him. They would secretly meet on the terrace holding hand sometimes and that's how I new that I had lost . However , they still lied to my face again and again , Jameel ji would still hold my hand while doing shayari (poetry) or Aliya would still tease me or ask me about my love for Jameel , which would want to make me puke everytime .They did this to act normal or make sure that my heart does not break apparently and wait till i just got out this phase of being in love with him , as everything Chammi believed in was just a joke - she cannot be serious about anything right ?

You know I was so happy when Aliya came into this house , I felt like I could tell her everything and she could be the big sister I never had .And she was all that at the start but everything does not stay that way for a very long time does it . I suddenly started to get jealous of how everyone treated her or compared her to me , it was always like Chammi look at her , learn this from her , look at the way she speaks or talks .Suddenly it was like the walls were closing in on me , nothing was good enough , my childish antics that they told me made them laugh were now plain right annoying and i needed to grow up . Looking at how lovingly dadi would stroke her cheeks and put oil in her hair or would lovingly stroke her head on her lap until she would fall asleep would make me want to cry so loud that everyone would stop to come look at me . Chachi would help her to learn how to cook but if i would say the same they would just laugh in my face and tell me that they don't want to die but the thing was we were both at the same point to start even though I knew a thing or two better then her.Now comes chachu who dislikes my Aba so much that he wouldn't spare much of a glance at me or was actually started to dislike me more maybe because I encouraged his son , if only he knew how manipulating his son was but for him Aliya was perfect , they would sit for hours talking about who knows what or actually hugging her.Seeing them hug gave this longing and sinking feeling in me that I could not explain , I was again the same little girl who wanted her Aba.

I tried different ways then to gain attention , one was annoying them but that did not help at all only proved to them how perfect Aliya was , the second one was to change myself to become like Aliya .That was more humiliating then ever as they did definitely did notice but all they told me while laughing on my face along with Aliya about how I can never be her as she is a diamond to which a glass bead cannot compete , not even once they said that chammi you don't need to be like her and that we like you the way you are . From that day forward it was a different Chammi tired and defeated who was moving away from all the so called relationships she had day by day .She no longer liked to write poetry , wasn't paying attention when Jameel Ji would come to her to share his latest poetry , or when he would trick her to come upstairs to eat the food her brought but quickly add bring Aliya too and all I would do was to tell her to go upstairs .

I wrote to my Aba multiple times to take me with him and that I miss him so I can get out this feeling of being unwanted , but in return i only got my money order but he never obliged until that day ....

Authors note : Hi anyone who is reading this , I am aware how rubbish I am and not even sure if this story makes any sense but if anyone even three people would like me to continue I will , this way I can be start planning this story rather then just typing it on top of my head .Thank you for reading till here .