Approaching Sun

Chapter 7: The Past

Sakura looked at him blankly, then returned her attention to her tea. She took a long drink, swallowing the liquid heavily and sighed.

Sasuke waited. He was hoping that she would agree to his terms. He couldn't give her the happiness she wanted—or deserved for that matter. How much easier her life would be if she tried to move on. If she found happiness with someone else, Sasuke wouldn't have to feel guilty anymore.

After a minute, Sakura met his eyes with just as much boldness as he had looked at her a second ago. "I'm sorry Sasuke. I would rather you ignore me than admit that I would give up on you. For as long as you care for me, I will wait."

Irritation like a developing fire burned throughout his body and in order to calm himself, Sasuke took a long drink of the medicinal tea before saying, "What makes you think I care for you? I tried to kill you. And have done much more, since then."

That statement didn't have the desired effect like he had hoped. She only continued to stare at him squarely and asked, "Did I not try to kill you first?"

"You didn't go through with it," he dismissed her. "I was prepared to kill you. I wouldn't have pulled back, Sakura. If it weren't for Kakashi and Naruto—" he looked away, too ashamed to look at her.

That day burned a hole in his memory and he hated to recall it. It was one of the days that Sasuke regretted most and appeared often in his nightmares. Not only did he fully intend to kill Karin, that day, but Sakura, Naruto, and Kakashi, too. He had wanted them all dead. It didn't matter to him that he had once had bonds with them. At that time, all Sasuke could see was his goal of destroying the leaf village and everyone in it. Sakura had arrived right before he was about to send a chidori through the red-haired kunoichi from team Taka, whom he had sacrificed in order to kill Danzo. Although it was a ploy to kill him, Sakura had arrived on the scene, begging to join him in his quest for revenge. He had demanded for her to kill Karin in order to gain his trust, but he ended up aiming a chidori at Sakura's back instead. Fortunately, Kakashi had followed her and stopped him before he could deliver the blow. After battling with his former sensei, his vision suddenly had failed and Sakura had used the opportunity to strike him. She had paused, unable to commit herself to go through with killing him. At the time, he had considered her weak, and in his hatred, had grabbed her by the neck, stealing her kunai and aiming it at her. If Naruto hadn't jumped in, she would be dead. He undoubtedly would have killed her. If neither of them had interfered, Sasuke wouldn't be sitting here, talking to her, eating the food and drinking the tea that Saskura had made him.

He placed his forehead in his palm at the thought. What would he be doing now, if she had been killed by his hand?

A small weight rested on his shoulder, and with her comforting hand, came her reply. "You've already apologized for your past. There's no need to bring it up, now. You're not that person anymore. You're the Sasuke I remember."

Lifting his head, he widened his eyes and pulled away from her touch, snapping, "And you're naïve. What reason have I given you to make you believe that? What makes you so sure, to dismiss everything I've done despite my pathetic apology to you?"

She pulled her arm back towards her own body, saying, "For starters, you saved Chino and her followers from the path of revenge. But that's not all. You're doing so much for the village just by investigating Kaguya."

He remained silent, staring down at his fisted hand around the cup, forcing it to relax. How could she possibly use those actions to justify everything? Why couldn't she just hate him? That's what he deserved. Despite taking a journey to atone for his sins, Sasuke still felt undeserving of the love that his friends had for him. Even though he had changed drastically, becoming more like his former self, Sasuke kept seeing his sins as unforgivable.