freak|adam banks ¹

thirty-four: the disappearance of daisy martel

Jae: TRIGGER WARNING: talks of self-harm, suicide, and rape. Please don't read if this will trigger you, ily.

I woke up to a beeping sound. I try to sit up but the pain that goes through my entire body causes me to fall back onto to the bed. Whose bed is this? I look around the room, ew I'm in the hospital. I wasn't even awake for three minutes before someone came into the room.

"Jae?" He asks.

"Adam?" I ask. He smiles and sits down in the chair next to my bed. I look at him confused. No hug or kiss, nothing. He stayed silent.

"How long have I been sleeping?" I ask.

"Like two weeks," He says shrugging. Something's wrong, Adam would be excited to see me awake after two weeks.

"How is everyone?" I ask in hopes of making this conversation less awkward than it already is. I really hope someone will walk in and save me from the conversation.

"Everyone's fine," He says rather rudely.

"You don't have to be so rude," I say. He looks up at me with a look full of so much hatred and sadness that I was taken back by it. Adam has never acted this way around me, not even when he was crazy jealous and tried to control me. I start to feel sick to my stomach.

"Well I'm sorry I don't really know how to live like this," He says. He rolls his eyes and slouches in his seat.

"What life?" I ask confused.

"The life you created for all of us! Always being scared, always feel like we're running from something. Not to mention, Matthew was never found and Daisy is out there still missing and probably in danger because you couldn't stop her. Do you know how upset her family is? Her friends? The school? They are devasted, Jae! Because of you!" He yells at me. I could literally feel the blood drain from my face. His words hurt equally to a punch in the face. The boy who was supposed to love me, supposed to care and protect me, was the one yelling at me for something that was so out of control.

"I didn't want her to leave. I tried to stop-"

"Knowing you, you probably chased her away. I know she hasn't always been nice to you but this time she was just trying to help," He yells back, completely cutting me off.

"You weren't there Adam, you don't even know what happened in those woods. Don't tell me what I did or said," I yell at him. I sprung up out of anger like I was going to either hurt him or hit something. I instantly regret even moving, my head throbs and my whole body aches.

"I don't understand why it took for her to go missing for me to realize this but I think I'm still in love with her," He says so quietly I could barely hear him. Oh but I heard him, and I wish I never did. My anger was replaced with such a sudden sadness I didn't even know how to control myself.

"I hate you," I say loud enough for him to hear. His once hanging head looks up, meeting my eyes for the first time this whole conversation. I felt hot tears run down my cheeks as my heart aches.

"What? You don't mean that right?" He asks as he stands up, reaching for my hand. I yank it away instantly.

"You just told me that you love someone else!" I yell at him.

"I still love you but I think we need to take a break while I figure things out. This isn't a good time with everything going on," He explains. I scoff loudly and roll my eyes.

"With everything going on I need someone here to help me get through it. Do you not know how much this affects me?" I ask.

"Affects you?" He asks yelling at me.

"You just ripped my heart out and broke it into a million pieces. I can't help what Matthew did. And I can't help what Daisy did. She chose to run into those woods, she wanted to leave. If I wasn't so out of it and scared, I would have helped her. You never even acknowledged that she left me stranded in the woods, bleeding to death, with a psychopath looking for me," I yell at him. He stares at me without saying a word and I wonder why no one has come in. We've been screaming at each other for ten minutes.

"You need to figure yourself out. Become stable again, you need to better yourself. I'll wait for you Jae but right now I'm scared. I need time to myself," He says sadly. I have this sudden urge to do something I've only thought of doing while I was in captivity.

"Don't wait for me," I say as I look up at him through teary eyes. His face softens when he sees how I'm reacting. He reaches for my hand but instead, I pull it away slowly. I didn't want to touch him, I know if I touch him or do anything because it's going to hurt so much more.

"Why?" He asks confused. Because I won't be here. I shake my head, not telling him the dark thoughts that consumed my brain.

"Nothing," I say trying to push past those thoughts.

"I'll come and see you tomorrow," He says standing up.

"No, you won't," I say so quietly I didn't think he heard me. But he did, he turned around with a confused look.

"I said I would why would I lie to you right now?" He asks. Because you won't see me. Not till I'm dead anyway.

"Yeah, why would you?" I ask coldly. He stares at me sadly.

"I love you, Jae," He says. He waits for me to answer as he stands at the door.

"Goodbye Adam," I say. He frowns at me and walks out. As the door shuts behind him, leaving me in the room by myself, all of my sadness comes out. I cry and scream, kicking my feet around and throwing my arms all over the place. Despite the pain, I continue sobbing. I yell at myself like it's my fault that all of this happened. I know deep down it's not but hs wors make me feel otherwise. I stand up, clutching onto my right side which hurts the most. My head pounds, I could feel my heartbeat in my temples. I make my way towards the bathroom. I stare at myself. The bloody bandage that lays above my right eyebrow has blood seeping through it. The hospital gown hangs loosely on my skinny body. I lift it up, revealing a bandage across my right ribs. I watch the tears fall down my face. I punched the mirror, causing it to break into tiny pieces. The glass pierced my skin and the blood ran out.

Then everything went black.