The Senior Bad Boy | ✔️

37. Reveal + Respect

The car ride to drop Mom off at Goldcrest Rehabilitation Centre was somehow emotional, yet emotionless.

I'd wanted to bawl my eyes out. I'd wanted to scream. I'd wanted to punch the glove compartment over and over until my knuckles bled.

But I hadn't. I'd managed to keep it all in, yet again.

Mom hadn't made a sound, sitting in the back seat as quiet as a mouse, staring out the window at the twinkling stars.

"I need to be better," she'd muttered as I'd helped her out of the car. She'd looked me in the eyes, but her gaze had been empty. "I must be better. For you and Haven." She'd caressed my cheek, kissed Haven on the forehead, then went silent again.

The man on the night shift admitted her immediately. After she answered a bout of questions and was taken back for a medical examination, Haven and I had to fill out some forms and get a payment plan in place. Money would be tight. But as long as we both put in a few extra working hours, we could swing it. The man said he thought he could get us some financial support since she was our only living parent and we were both in high school.

By the time Hav and I got home around 3am, I was an absolute wreck. I hadn't cried this hard since I found the letter Dad wrote to Alexei.

I ended up texting Jayce, telling him I needed him. I wasn't even sure if he'd be awake, but I didn't keep my phone close to check. I just went down to the front porch and cried. I don't even know how much time passed.

Honestly, you'd think I'd have been more prepared for this. After so many years of basically not having a mom, I hadn't let myself accept her new found sobriety very easily. I'd kept her at a distance, that much is for sure. And now, I couldn't help but wonder... if I hadn't done that... if I'd fully embraced her back into my life... would we have been checking her into a rehab center tonight?

Maybe this is partly my fault.

I should've been more loving. Had more faith in her.

Another round of tears pours out of my eyes as my shoulders shake and I sob uncontrollably on the porch swing. My head feels completely clogged and my eyes are puffy, but I can't stop.

Soon, I hear the sound of a V8 engine screech into the driveway, followed by a slamming car door and strong footfalls sprinting toward me.

"Baby, what's going on?" Jayce questions as he wraps his arms around me. "God, you're freezing," he says softly, taking off his leather jacket and wrapping it around my shoulders, lifting me into the bridal carry and walking us toward his car.

I don't really register anything that's going on. Everything is in a sort of haze. Almost like a dream... flashings of colors and sounds that all blend together, like a kaleidoscope of debilitated incoherency.

Next thing I know, Jayce has parked the car at the edge of the river that runs through town, his headlights shining on the rippling surface.

"Being around water always helps me think," Jayce says as he gently takes my hand and kisses my palm. "But if you'd rather stay in the warm car, we can do that, too. I think I have a blanket in the trunk that we could use, though."

I nod, signaling that I want to sit by the river. Perhaps hearing the rushing water will help bring me back to life.

There's more flashes, and then Jayce and I are sitting by the river, cuddled under a blanket. He's enough to keep me warm, but the blanket certainly helps in making me feel secure.

I gaze out at the surface of the river, which is dancing and shining in the moonlight, reflecting a warped, but just as beautiful, version of the night sky.