Despair to Hope (completed)

Chapter 7

"...when young Ramana was meditating here, red ants used to bite him but he never minded them. He was so absorbed in his meditation..." the priest was narrating the story. I had already read the story but Anitha was intently listening to him. So, I was also listening to him.

It was Monday morning. We were standing in an underground shrine within the Arunachalesvara temple at Thiruvannamalai.

I had taken leave for two days. Geetha chose to stay with Swetha. After breakfast we left Neyveli. It was one and a half hour drive.

We came out from the underground shrine and walked to the vast open courtyard of the temple. We sat on the steps there. Anitha sat square to me. She was in pale brown colour saree. The dark rings under her eyes had disappeared. Though her face was not yet freed from the anxiety of uncertain future, it looked much better than Sunday. The linear red patch around her neck had also disappeared.

"What uncle?"

"Nothing."

"You were looking at me."

She should have observed my effort to examine her neck.

"Nothing special."

"I know what you observed."

I turned my head right to look at the tall front tower of the temple. A little monkey was playing with a big one in a middle tier of the tower.

"I know what you observed," Anitha said again to call my attention back to her. I turned to her again. Now she had folded her legs towards her body clasping them with her circling hands.

A big monkey was eating some eatables spread on the ground a few metres away. A small one was trying to take a few of them. It was driven away by the big one every time it approached. After a few failed attempts, the small one mustered some courage to come near the big one, and then swiftly it took some eatables and darted to the tower.

"We do not have to fear our life." I began talking. "There is nothing to fear here."

She straightened herself and started listening to me.

"The moment we take birth here, all the requirements of our soul are guaranteed to be fulfilled in our life time here by this universe."

"But our requirements are not fulfilled," She intervened.

"I am not talking about the wishes of our heart influenced by our mind. I'm talking about the requirements of our soul."

"Got it."

"So, there is nothing to worry about our future."

"But I am worried about non-fulfilment of desires of my heart."

"That's because we don't know what life is about."

"And what is life about?"

"Experiencing the requirements of our soul."

Anitha was trying to assimilate what I said. After a while she asked.

"But what if we cannot handle our soul's requirements?"

"Do you think our soul will have requirements that cannot be handled by us?"

"Then why do we think life is so painful?"

"Because we are carried away by the unwarranted fear of our mind."

"Why is our mind living in fear?"

"Because it doesn't know our future. It tries to project our past onto our future."

"But I have to live with my mind. How can I be not carried away by it?"

I looked at the tower again. I couldn't see any monkey over there.

Anitha asked me again, "Is it possible for me not to fear my life when my mind is overwhelmed with fear for future?"

"Yesterday evening we played a game. Do you remember?"

"How can I forget it?"

"During that five minute period, how many minutes were you afraid of your future?"

"No, I didn't experience any fear throughout."

"So, you have proved to yourself that it is possible. Why do you ask me now?"

She was staring at the tower.

I asked her again. "Why do you ask me now?"

She was still staring at the tower.

I waved my hands before her. "Am I having the attention of my..."

"Uncle, I have experienced it before."

"You told me yesterday you hadn't experienced it before?"

"I was wrong. Now I know I've experienced it once before...when..."

I was silently watching her. She was looking at the ground, trying to figure out when.

After a while, she raised her head and looked at me. Her eyes were moist.

"When I was sitting on my bed. In front of my uncle. Yesterday morning."

I didn't respond. I turned to look at the tower.

"May I know, sir, whom am I having the privilege of talking to?"

"Your uncle, Priya's dad."

"We are not getting up until I get the answer to my satisfaction."