S C H M I C O || A collection of short stories

Cloud (TRIGGER WARNING)

Hey y'all, before you read this- stop. It's dark. It has mentions of suicide and self-harm so please proceed with caution. Thank you.
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Depression was just one of the everyday obstacles that Levi Schmitt had to hurdle to survive. For the past couple of years, the cloud that followed him everywhere never changed; it stayed the same size, same shape. It never weighed any less or any more. To others, it was completely invisible. However, over the past few months, the cloud had begun to get darker. A lot darker. Levi tried to deny it all he could, but the truth would eventually show itself sooner or later.

Not even Levi's boyfriend of two years knew about the cloud. He didn't see why he should burden Nico with the constant worry about his own mental health. Nico had his own issues, his own worries. Levi would feel too guilty to rely on his partner to care for him. Not only that, they had the struggles and puzzles of their jobs. A job which impacted Levi's mental health seriously. Many times he had debated on taking a break, to see whether it would help. He even debated finding a therapist but wondered when he would ever have the time; his work schedule had been hectic recently.

"Hey," Nico's concerned voice snapped Levi out of his trance, placing him back in the real world around him. How long he'd been gone, he didn't know. "You alright? You seem out of it."

"Uh, yeah. Just tired," Levi forced a smile, taking in a deep breath to calm his rushing mind. The hospital around him was flowing with people, the constant chatter drilling into his head. "Haven't had much sleep recently."

"Is that all, Levi? You look really pale." Nico stated, placing the chart he had down on the desk. He crossed his arms over his chest and rested his hip against the desk as he raised a brow at his boyfriend. Levi swallowed down the lump forming in his throat.

"Yeah, promise. I'm okay." Again, Levi forced himself to smile, which only made him want to be sick. He hated lying to Nico- no, he loathed it. It made his stomach twist and knot in all sorts of crazy directions.

Nico sighed. "How much more have you got to do today? You really look like you need a break. You're worrying me."

You're worrying me. The words echoed around Levi's empty mind, his heart aching at the words. That was the last thing he wanted Nico to worry about. After all, he said he was fine. Levi shrugged and let out a short sigh as he tugged down the sleeves of the shirt under his scrubs. He'd begun to wear t-shirts under his scrubs a lot more recently; it didn't make any sense to Nico, as it was still autumn and the weather was warm. It also confused him even more as Levi always tended to help in the OR.

"You don't need to worry about me, I'm fine, really." Levi let out a small, frustrated sigh as he looked around, watching the patients and staff pass by. Nico gave up trying to get his boyfriend to speak to him, he just assumed that he was in a mood.

"Alright, but if something is wrong, you can talk to me. If you need me at any point, either let me know or get someone to come fetch me. Okay?" Nico grinned at his partner before pushing himself off of the desk and grabbing the chart. As he moved past Levi, he let his fingers brush against his partner's, smiling to himself at the little gesture.

Levi watched as Nico disappeared into the rush of the hospital, only to be left alone again. He just wanted to go home, he was tired and wanted to be alone for once. He wanted to clear his mind and be able to breathe again. Though that seemed virtually impossible with the amount of work he had recently, it never seemed to stop or calm down.

Levi closed his eyes for a brief moment and took in a deep, calming breath. Only a few more hours and he could leave. If all went to plan, that is. All of a sudden, Levi remembered he had a surgery to assist with later. that meant he would have to take off his shirt from beneath his scrubs, which isn't something he wanted to do. Over the past few weeks, Levi had been trying to find ways in which he could calm himself. Unfortunately, the coping mechanism he had chosen wasn't a healthy one at that. It was a way he had used before, many years ago when he was a teen. It made him feel better, but at what cost?