My Dear Captain

Chapter 4

The rest of the day went by in a blur. All I could really remember was the absolute happiness and love I felt after I had kissed my dear captain. While I was worried about how Lily would react to a maid "stealing" the man she had wanted, all I really cared about was James. Mistress Elizabeth instantly recognized my look of excitement on my (s/c) face when I got home later that day, and she instantly began begging me for all of the details of what had gone on while I was away. I happily told her all about it, and she and I giggled like school girls the whole time! Although, my happiness was short lived.

While readying myself for bed and calming my head to think rationally again, I realized with dread that my love would be going away to war in just two days, and I may not see him again. Needless to say a lump formed in my throat at the thought of my dear captain never coming back to me! It was a terrible realization. "Not now, don't think about such terrible things," I quietly scolded myself. James would come back to me safe and sound. I needn't worry myself so much. Still there was a small part of me that knew of that sickening possibility, and I went to bed a flustered and worried mess.

My dreams that night were filled with terrible visions of my James getting hurt and chased down by Germans. Several times I woke up coated in a sheen of cold sweat while my heart raced a thousand miles an hour!

"It's okay (y/n), they're just nightmares is all, nothing to worry about," I had comforted myself several times that night. It was clear to everyone the next morning that I had not slept a wink. Dark circles took residence under my (e/c) eyes and I was constantly distracted and dozing off. Mistress Elizabeth had grown so worried that she had even checked my temperature to see if I was ill. I wasn't, but that didn't stop me from looking like I was. She worried about me so much, in fact, that I eventually had to tell her about my horrible nightmares! Hopefully James would be too busy today to visit me, I didn't want him to see me in my current state of exhaustion! However, I had no luck in that field, as just after tea he came knocking on the door. Mistress Elizabeth answered and I heard her and James whispering in the foyer as I came in to join them. James noticed my entrance and looked at me with worry on his face.

"(Y/n) my dear, what is wrong?" he asked, walking over to me and cupping my cheek in his slender hand. I was overwhelmed with relief to see that he was safe. I knew that all of those terrors last night were just nightmares, but that didn't dispel my fears that he was hurt in some way! I hugged him tightly and took in a deep breath of the cologne that hung on his military coat. It smelled wonderful!

"Nothing James, I'm fine now!"

"Are you sure? You look like you haven't slept at all!" he replied, wrapping his arms around me in return.

"Really James, I'm alright!"

He gave me a doubtful look but decided not to pry anymore, as it was clear that I wasn't going to tell him why I looked so tired. I felt silly, worrying so much about him over a few nightmares, but I couldn't help it! Those nightmares could end up being horrible realities, and I couldn't help but fret! James was here with me now though, so some of those fears were pushed to the back of my mind and I was focused on him now. Mistress Elizabeth cleared her throat and I glanced at her over James' shoulder. She gave me a look and mouthed 'tell him!' I frowned but mentally gave in. He'd think I was silly and paranoid, but I probably should tell him anyway. I gave James a peck on his jaw and told him I'd tell him the reason behind my disheveled appearance later, "Right now, we should focus on spending time with each other!"

"You're right, I have to leave tomorrow too, so I want to spend as much time with you as possible!" he mumbled, his voice came out strained and quiet. My heart leapt into my throat. Leaving tomorrow?! My James was leaving tomorrow?! No, that couldn't be right! We had only just become lovers! They couldn't just take him away! I hugged him tighter and tried to swallow the lump forming in my throat. He couldn't just leave! I heard James sniff and swallow hard as well, and he tangled his fingers into my (h/l) (h/c) hair. "I know, I despise the idea too my dear!"

"I'll leave you two in privacy," I heard Mistress Elizabeth say as she walked out of the room. James pulled away from me the moment she was gone and crashed his lips into mine. Tears gently fell from both of our eyes, and mingled and mixed on our cheeks as our lips moved in synchronization. My hands cupped his cheeks and his fingers tangled themselves deeper in my hair. The scent of his cologne and the rosy smell of my perfume mixed and made a heavenly mix and I felt myself become intoxicated by the mix of the feeling of his lips on mine, his hands running through my hair, and the smell of our mixed perfumes. "I love you so much," I whispered as we broke for air.

"And I, you," James replied as he dove in for another kiss. This one was more gentle, and sweeter, as if he were afraid that if he pushed too hard I might shatter like a porcelain doll. At some point in the night, we had ended up in my bed without any of our garments. We were a tangled mess of limbs and love, and I savored every moment of it, as I knew they were fleeting. He made me feel like a goddess, he told me things I only ever dreamt of hearing, made me feel things I had never even dreamt of feeling. I tried to return the gestures, but I wasn't nearly as eloquent as him.