My Dear Captain

Chapter 7

A couple of weeks had gone by since the dreaded telegram brought the worst news possible. I had sewn black fabric onto the sleeves of every garment I owned. There wasn't a day that I didn't grieve over the loss of my fiance. The telegram was now smudged and illegible in more places than one from the tears I had shed on it. My curtains were constantly drawn so as not to let any sunlight in, however it seemed that the sun itself was grieving as well. Mistress Elizabeth doted on me more than ever, and while I was very grateful for her kindness, I felt as though I could't fully appreciate it. I was tired and sick constantly as well, and poor little Jonathan fretted by my bedside when I felt too tired to get up. Alfred checked on me hourly, seeing if I needed anything else. I didn't of course, except for one thing.

My ring now hung on a golden chain around my neck. It weighed heavily above my heart, although the weight never bothered me. Its presence was slightly comforting, as if it were a little piece of the man that would have been my husband. James' name had become taboo in the Williams' home, especially around me. I could hear his name being whispered around corners and in dark halls, but they instantly ceased when I turned to confront them. I hated it. They treated him as if his name were a bad omen, instantly dropping the subject of him anytime I walked into the same room that he was mentioned. The whispers were everywhere, driving my devastated mind insane!

Lily and Albert's visits were a good distraction however. They came often, helping me move through my grief and loneliness. Albert gave me James' sketchbook and said that I should have it. I insisted that he take the pictures of his dear horse, and after a few tries he accepted. Lily brought fresh flowers everyday, and thrust open my curtains anytime she saw them closed. I always closed them after she left, but the gesture was heart warming. Even James' friend, Major Jamie Stewart, came to visit! He brought me a box of James' paints, paintings, sketches, even his cologne, everything! I had found a beautiful water color portrait of myself in the box as well, and instantly began crying. It was embarrassing, especially in front of Jamey, but he didn't seem to mind, and quickly began comforting me. There was so much that reminded me of him, and I couldn't decide if it was helping or worsening the pain. It seemed to do a mix of both!

Now my room smelled of paints, flowers, and James' cologne, a surprisingly wonderful mix of scents that made my room seem a little less empty. It almost felt as if he were there with me sometimes. I sprayed his cologne onto my pillows often, so that I fell asleep and woke up to the scent that embodied him so well. By the third week of his absence, I was no longer sick. I felt less tired as well! Eventually my curtains were opened and stayed that way, allowing the sun to finally fill my room once more, adding to the feeling of James' love. The ring was no longer as heavy, but the affect it had on me was still the same. It was a little piece of the memory that could have been. It was a little piece of my husband. When Jamie had noticed its presence around my neck, he had looked surprised!

"James had a similar ring he wore!" he had said.

"Yes, we were to wed when he returned."

"Oh my dear I am sorry!"

"It's alright," I had sniffled, the memory of his proposal was bittersweet now that it would never happen.

"If it helps at all," Jamie had said, in an effort to comfort me, "I had seen him kiss it and say something before our battle. When I had asked him about it, he said it was for good luck, and that he the words he had said were a promise to return to you."

I had smiled sadly and gazed lovingly at the small ring I held between my fingers.

I smiled a little more as well. It wasn't much, but the difference was obvious enough. Jamie began visiting often as well, so often in fact that there was talk that he might find a place to live in Devon! He and I had become very close friends, so this rumor delighted me. When asked about it, he only chuckled and shook his head. Whether or not that meant no was a mystery to us all. Lily's lover had returned as well, although he wasn't in the best shape. He was alive, and felt well, but one of his legs were missing.