thank u, next - billie eilish

in my head

"painted a picture, i thought i knew you well.
i got a habit of seeing what isn't there,
caught in the moment, tangled up in your sheets.
when you broke my heart, i said you only wanted half of me."

"you know what? i thought you were different. i thought you were real but you're just a confusing fuck girl who likes to play around." i spat disgusted. billie didn't want me, then she sleeps with alexis and now she wants me?

i'm confused. i'm really fucking tired of being confused.

"my feelings were all over the place but i've got them figured out now." she confessed. "i don't know billie, you really hurt me." i sighed.

"can you just choose, alexis was right you are slow." she spoke annoyed.

there goes her fucking temper.

"fuck you."

and mine.

—

i dreaded going to spanish class because that meant i had to see billie but, i couldn't stay in the library forever. i arrived before the bell, sat in my usual seat, and got out my book and notes. the bell rang and class was about to begin, there was no sign of billie so i assumed she skipped and let out a breath of relief.

my body immediately tensed up when the door swung open revealing billie and alexis kissing each other goodbye. she walked in like nothing happened and sat in her usual seat next to me.

fuck her.

i looked up at the board and started taking my notes when i felt a hand on my thigh. i took out my phone and angrily typed.

BILLIE

leave me alone.

no thanks

shouldn't you be out getting aids or something?

be quiet or i'll get alexis to expose you

i was about to respond when i felt billie's hand creep up my thigh.

why was she doing this?

"move that before i shove this pencil up your ass." i said sternly looking her in the eye. her posture shifted and she moved her hand quickly.

did i just scare the billie eilish?

—

the day went by fairly fast and i waited outside for rosa to come. i had kinda been avoiding home with all the fighting and plus, i felt safe in her arms.

i was sitting on the bench in the front of the school scrolling through my phone when someone's shadow scared me.

i looked up to see alexis and billie towering over me. alexis grabbed a chunk of my hair and pulled me up to her while billie laughed.

"i heard you been rude to my babygirl." she said, spitting in my hair. she threw me to the ground and forced me to face billie. "apologize." she demanded. tears spilled from my eyes as i winced in pain.

then, the greatest thing happened.

all i ever wanted to happen. a goddess appeared.

"hey! get the fuck off of her!"

+

i'm listening to adele rn i'm so emo bye