No Clue (Saiki Kusuo x Reader)

Why?

Your eyes were red and sullen and exhausted, although you hid it well. Your nose was stuffy and your head still thrummed from sobbing most of the weekend. You were glad you'd had so much experience in hiding pain as you saw the friends that could've been yours, smiling and joking. You briefly wondered if that was how your life would be from now on, isolating yourself from the peers you cared about most.

Toritsuka was at home, sick from running outside in his underwear and jumping into a cold lake on a dare. You were glad he wasn't there. It was selfish, he was sick, but you knew he was the only friend you had that would see through your act. Perverted idiot being an annoyingly good friend. You sat down at your desk and struggled against the urge to rest your head on the surface and cry. Fuck, it was noisy. Why did everyone have to think so loud?

You supposed it wasn't their fault, they didn't know you could hear them or that you were in the clutches of a ruthless depressive episode. Why did you have to have feelings? Why? Why...? Why?

                              ~~~~~~

Her eyes were sunken and empty, encompassed by dark circles that could make you sleep for a week just by looking at them. When she first came to P.K. she had looked fresh and determined but now, she looked hollow and lifeless.

"Is this my fault? Did I do this?"

Could a person's heart physically shatter? Saiki never understood the concept of heartbreak before... but he was beginning to grasp the idea. Of course, he didn't know the reason behind the salty, prickly pressure building up like a dam behind his stinging eyes. He didn't know why his head felt like it was so stuffed with heavy, thick, wet wool that it might rip the seams of his mind and burst out at any second. He ached as though his ribcage had been unseamed and his heart cracked, a gaping chasm where its most integral part had been stolen. His lungs burned and closed in on themselves.

What was happening?

"Am I sick?" Saiki's thoughts raced. "Am I... dying?!" Emotions had never seemed to him like they could be this physical, palpable affliction but, as Saiki found himself lying about needing to go to the bathroom in an effort to escape this sensation, it began to dawn on him that he had been wrong. So, so wrong. He didn't know why he felt this, why his heart rate felt like it was in a marathon, why he was shaking, why he was scared of this, why he couldn't stop thinking of (Y/n)... Had she felt like this on the roof? Worse? Different? Why did he care?

Why did he want so badly to be close to her?

Why did she make him feel like this?

Why had he never felt this way about anyone or anything before?

Why was he scared of what he felt?

~~~~~~~

You almost didn't notice it when Saiki had hurried out the classroom. You almost didn't realise that the person who you could feel was so torn and heartbroken, was him. You almost didn't notice that he lied about his reason to leave. You almost didn't see his distraught expression as he quickly exited the classroom. You almost found a way not to care.

Almost.

Lunch started very soon after Saiki made his abrupt exit. You didn't think, you didn't waste time on it. You just sprung to your feet instantaneously and dashed, at the most human speed you could muster, to where you knew he'd be. The roof.

For once in your life, you didn't care about the consequences. You just cared about him. He wasn't going to be alone anymore.