Close Your Eyes: Book Four

Chapter Four

       

I yawn, resting my head back against the tub. My eyes slide shut on command and I sigh in content.

"Why aren't you talking?" Liam asks suddenly.

I crack an eye open to look at him. Every time I go to take a bubble bath, he insists on getting in with me to "spend time with his wife."

Really, I think he loves bubble baths and he doesn't want to admit it because he thinks it makes him less of a man. Half the time when we're in the tub together we don't even do anything, we just sit and talk because it's usually the only time where the kids aren't around.

"There's nothing to talk about," I reply.

"Sure there is," he says.

I smile lazily at him.

"So start a conversation," I reply.

"Well..." he sighs. "Are we falling out of love?"

"Why would we be falling out of love?" I ask him.

"Because we have nothing to talk about!" he exclaims. "What kind of married couple can't talk?"

"Buddy, we've been in a relationship for eight years," I remind him. "And we've lived together for seven of them. We know all there is to know about each other."

"I guess." He mumbles.

"Why? Do you love me any less than you did when we first got together?" I wonder.

"I love you more," he replies. "Do you?"

"I love you more, too." I say. "See? We're not falling out of love, we're just boring."

"Well..." he huffs in frustration. "Tell me about your day. What did you and Sofie do?"

I shrug my shoulders.

"We just talked."

"About what?" he urges.

"Uh, about you and I. About her and Mason," I reply quietly.

"What about us? What about them?"

I know he's just trying to make conversation, but if I bring up our near divorce, I'm not sure how he's going to react.

"Savvy?" he asks. "Come on, babe. Talk to me."

I shift slightly in the tub, extending my legs so they're lying on his.

"We talked about our near divorce experience," I tell him quietly. "Because Mason wants kids and she doesn't. She needed advice. She asked me if I, when I look at Eloise, if I only see her as the kid I had to have to make you happy...things like that."

We have never spoken about that night since the night happened, so I'm not surprised when he gets really quiet.

After almost a minute, he sighs.

"What did you tell her?" he whispers. "When she asked you that, what did you tell her?"

I always assumed he was worried about the same thing. Every time somebody brings up us having more kids, I can see the curiosity in his eyes. I know he wonders how I feel about Eloise. If the situation was flipped, I would wonder the same thing. I also know he doesn't ask out of fear of losing me.

"I told her that when I look at Eloise, I see our daughter. I see a beautiful little girl who I love just as much as Theo and Ben. She doesn't know this, but I feel...stupid about all of it, and kind of like a horrible mother. When I look at Eloise I wonder why I never wanted her. What the hell is wrong with me?"