Close Your Eyes: Book Four

Chapter Seventeen

I sit in the sand, staring at the ocean. The beaches in Oregon are nothing in comparison to Hawaii. The water is crystal clear in Hawaii. The sand is a beautiful cream color and perfect. Oregon sand is like dirt, the ocean is dark, and it just makes me feel out of place.

My legs are against my chest and tears drip onto my jeans as my chin sits on my knees.

How did I get to this point? Everything in my life feels wrong. It feels like I just woke up one day and became a completely different person. I want to feel like myself. I don't even recognize my mother anymore. She claims she's trying to help, but she knows she only making things worse, yet she continues to do it.

She made it seem like it was my fault that she didn't help me, her sixteen year old child, after I got home from my kidnapping.

And I sit here now, on this unfamiliar beach, and think of my own children.

How could a mother do that? How could she let me come home and not fight tooth and nail to make sure I felt as safe and happy as I could? How could she hand me off to a seventeen year old? She knew I was having nightmares and all she would do was come in and wake me up. My Dad was there sometimes. He at least came in and sat with me until I fell asleep. He asked me if I wanted to talk to a therapist, but my Mom never did, and I don't understand how she can twist everything I said to make herself out to be the victim.

And I hate that I still hold out hope that she's going to show up and apologize and mean it this time.

I feel so betrayed. I cried in her arms the other day. Did it mean anything to her?

Seeing what happened today just fortifies the fact that it didn't. If it did, she wouldn't have gone and did what she did. And it also explains why she was the one who decided to make our "girls day" a family day instead. She changed the whole plan just to get Liam there.

I blink and feel hot tears roll down my cheeks.

Sniffling, I reach out and grab my phone off the blanket beneath me. I have tons of messages and missed calls from my Dad, Sofie, Aria, Noah, and Mason, and even Lindsay, but only one message from Liam.

Buddy: hey just let me know if you need anything, okay? I love you.

I smile through my tears, because he's the one who has always been there for me. He's the one who understands me.

I wipe at my eyes and text him back.

Me: I love you too.

The message goes to read fairly quickly. I watch as the typing bubble pops up and then disappears.

That's how I know he's worried, so I stand up, shake off my blanket, and walk towards his truck.

I took an uber home and then took his truck out to the beach an hour and a half away since he had my car for the kids.

I crank the engine, connect my phone, and start driving back home.

________

It's just after dark when I finally get home, and I can't help but feel happy that nobody else is here except for the kids and Liam. I kill the engine to the truck and walk up the driveway. I unlock the front door and silence the alarm.

The lights are all off downstairs, but I can see light coming down the staircase, along with laughter.

I smile tiredly and head upstairs, opening the bathroom door where the laughter is coming from.

Eloise is sitting on the floor with toys, and Liam has Bennett and Theo in the tub and they're playing with their bath toys.

"Hi Mommy!" Theo grins at me.