For the Child

Queen Missy

Missy was quiet for the rest of the day and vanished in the vault. She only went there when she was feeling bad and the Doctor could see why. He did leave her alone for a few hours to give her some space and then checked after her.

Missy was lying in her bed, body covered with a floral duvet. The only visible part of her body was her hair. It was open and single wisps were scattered over her five pillows. She couldn't sleep well without soft backing.

"Missy?", the Doctor asked carefully. He didn't get a response. Carefully he sat down on the bed and run his hand through her hair. She didn't brush it for a while and it was much longer than it used to be.

"Did I do good?", she finally asked, barely audible and with a dull voice.

"Yes. You did fantastic."

"I want this child, Doctor." Missy sobbed quietly.

This response did surprise him. "I told you that I will find a solution."

"And then you will run away. Like you always do." Missy sounded tired.

"Missy, you know that it's the best for the child if it doesn't grow up with us."

"But why does it have to be?!" She turned around, looking at him with black mascara stripes on her cheeks. "I want to have a family with you."

"Missy..." The Doctor shook his head. "That's not a good idea."

"Of course." She nodded. "Maybe you should have thought about that before you fucked me."

"You made me do it!"

"Oh sure, now it's my fault! I didn't force you, you know? You could have said no!" Missy screamed at him now. "Why is everything always my fault?! I did my mistakes, but I did my best to please you! I wanted to make you proud of me! I didn't kill anyone in centuries and that is not just because of the vault! I tried to help you, I wanted my friend back!" She threw a pillow at him. "You're the worst, do you know that?! I hate you! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you...!" Her voice turned quiet again and ended up in sobbing.

"Missy..." The Doctor wanted to stroke her hair again, but she moved away and hissed.

"Don't touch me."

"Okay." He held up his hands in defence.

"You always say I'm the villain. But it's you, not me." Missy's voice was almost gone. "Because you always think you're right. Because you are the good guy. But no good guy would tell a woman to give her child away just because he can't live with the responsibilities."

The Doctor looked at her for a while, thinking. "You're right.", he finally said. "I'm scared."

Missy looked at the blanket. "I'm scared too."

"We both are a mess. That's why I don't think we should have a child with us. I'm not running away."

"Is that really the truth?" She looked at him.

"Partly.", the Doctor admitted.

"You told me to be honest. So be honest too."

The Doctor nodded. "You're right. I'll be honest. I'm scared. I don't want to lose a child again. I don't want to lose you. I don't want to screw up as a father because I always did a very bad job there. I'm not able to have a family anymore." He looked at her. "Now be honest too."

"Oh, we're playing that game again?" Missy sighed. In her time in the vault they always exchanged true statements so that she would get used to be honest. "Alright. I'm scared. I am responsible for this child and I won't hurt it in any way. I'd rather die than kill it to survive. I want to have a family with you."