A Pocket Full of Posies (Book 1)

Chapter Nineteen

It takes me longer than it should to get up and chase after Carmen. There are a lot less people in the lounge area now because I'm assuming most have headed into the kitchen to get food. There's no sign of Carmen in said kitchen though, so after quickly scanning it, I try the main living room. Jamie and Tom are in here, the latter of which shoots me a grin and hurries towards me. I don't have time for this.

"There you are!" he exclaims, the dark liquid in his cup almost tipping out of it and onto the perfectly cream carpet. "Jamie was worried you'd fallen off the roof or something, but I--"

"Yeah, hey, have you seen Carmen?"

Tom responds with a pout. "Dude, c'mon, lighten up a little," he says through a groan as Jamie joins us in the doorway. "You've been way too serious lately, almost as bad as him." He jabs his finger towards Jamie, who responds by muttering something under his breath.

"Sorry, exams probably," I mutter, "have you seen--"

"Mate, they finished, like, three weeks--"

"Have you seen Carmen?"

"I just saw her with Ava in the hallway, I think," Jamie pipes in, finally providing me with useful information.

I thank him, then leave the room. If Ava and Carmen were in the hallway, they're definitely not anymore. I scan the kitchen and then the lounge area one more time, but there's no sign of Ava, let alone Carmen. Finally accepting that I've astronomically failed in my attempt to redeem myself, I head back into the lounge area and leave the house via the patio doors again, and there she is.

Shrouded by a hooded jacket ten times her size, Carmen sits on one of the sofas with her phone in one hand, and a half empty wine glass in the other. Being the imbecile I am, I don't say anything, I just stand outside the patio doors in silence. I'm not sure if she's seen me.

"You going to say something, or?" Annabel chimes in beside me, scaring me half to death.

I shoot her a glare, and am about to grow some balls and indeed say something when Carmen speaks.

"I figured you'd not think to come back outside." She doesn't lift her head to look at me, and her voice is barely audible over the music playing in the house. "Didn't quite work, obviously."

I go to speak, but apparently have forgotten how to, so kind of just stand there gormlessly while willing the ground to open up and eat me whole. Carmen's still not looking at me. What do I say? How can I even crawl back from this? If it wasn't my own life I was screwing up here, this whole situation would be hilarious.

Finally, Carmen looks up at me, and the blank expression that had been plastered on her face turns into something more strained. For the second time tonight, I feel like the worst person to ever set foot on earth.

Carmen places her glass of wine onto the table in front of her. "Look, it's fine, it's cool--it's really cool, seriously, I mean, we're not even anything. It's fine, honestly--I mean, she has a boyfriend so it's not fine, but it's cool with me--as in, you know what I mean, yeah, it's fine."

"In case you can't tell, it's definitely not fine," Annabel pipes in. I shoot her the most scathing look I've ever given anyone. She shrugs. "Just saying."

I shake my head and swear under my breath as if that's going to help anything.

"No, it wasn't--I wouldn't..." I take a breath, trying to conjure up something that'll fix this shitstorm I've created. "It's not how it looked, which I realise is the most cliché thing I could've possibly said, so as you can tell, I've already screwed this up, and there's probably no point trying to explain because it'll just sound like excuses." I sigh. "I'm sorry. Just please believe me when I say I'd never do that kind of shit with someone who's got a boyfriend. Please don't think I'm that kind of person."