My Adventures in Adulting

Youth

  I imagine that I sound old as dirt or I at least make myself sound old as shit. If I could go back and tell myself anything, I'm not quite sure I would know what that would be. 
  This picture is from 2001
   The whole world was in front of me. I had no idea how awesome things were going to be for me. I had no idea that things were going to be the way they are.
   All I wanted was to be happy, healthy, and laid. I had no idea what that was going to lead to. The freedom I was going to have.
    The person I was had no idea at all what was to come. I was only 27.
    I had no idea what depths I was going to experience. My life was not written. Nothing was going to be given. Everything was going to be earned to some degree.
   I lived like there was only today.
   I couldn't see myself alive today. Today, I cannot imagine myself living in the next ten years. I didn't know my father then...
    I know him now and now I know, I will never die. JaJaja that old bastard is still living doing things 70 year olds shouldn't be doing.
    All I cared about was smoking weed, drinking, kicking hack, and doing tattoos and I knew everything else would fall into place after that.
   I trusted people. Anyone could be my friend, and there was no reservations at all. You wanna hang out? We hung out.
   I'm not quite sure when it changed. Where's that guy today?
   When I was young, I never meant thought twice about the things I was doing.
   Were you the same as me?
   Are you the same as me now? Just jaded? Even a little?
   I know, I just spew words here like I'm just talking. As if there is something really here for you to read. There really isn't. Honest.
    I'm just sitting here at work tapping away on the things I thought I used to be. Was I really this happy go lucky little fuck, who cared little for things and did what he wanted to?
    Hell yeah, I am. I am still.
    Okay. 
   I don't delete. So bare with me.

And so.... IT BEGINS.
It's been two days now with no tv.
I've moved into a camper. It's pretty neat. I wake up to the sun shining and birds singing. I have a new buddy now. His name is Franky. He's a lab/boxer mix and is only 7 weeks now.
PLEASE FORGIVE MY DIRECTION.
This seemed like this book was going to be about my stories in life. Like some old dude writing about his glory days. And who's to say it still won't be. But for now, the truest most inspiring thing I'm doing is following the dreams of this assholes picture above. When I started writing this a year ago, I didn't have anything going on.
I didn't have any plans.
I didn't know what was going on with me.
I imagine many of us know the feeling of auto piloting through our lives. And I, myself, have been guilty of doing just that for so long.
I found it easy and comfortable. Hell, it was damn nice too, man. I had a beautiful woman, who is gold inside and out. She was a mother who never had any kids of her own. She was accepted by three of my four kids, and honestly if the one ever met her, I'm confident in saying that he would have loved her as well.
It seems to me, when I think about it, and believe me, I've thought about it for such a long time, but maybe about three years ago we went to a wedding.
It was a beautiful Irish catholic wedding with the families of two young beauts tying the knots of love. I think, hours went by, everything went as planned, until we were driving home.
I believe that this is when our relationship took a real turn. And if I could go back and change it, I'm sure I would have fucked it up anyway.
There was a major car accident on our way home. It was ugly. A car lost control in front of us, started fish tailing and went into the medium and out onto the other side of the freeway into oncoming traffic. Where it was t-boned by a suburban moving anywhere from 75-85 miles an hour.
I don't know what it was really.
   Maybe I didn't want to see what happened to those people. Maybe it was a long day and all I wanted to do was get home. Maybe truth is even more hurtful to me than anything else, I punked out and kept driving.
A thousand maybe's and hundred or more what-if's and I have concluded that this was the day, our relationship made notable changes. Maybe it was really all me. Maybe it was something she couldn't respect. I know her and if I really know her, this was a huge disregard of morals.
In hindsight, I made a mistake. I didn't stop. I kept driving. I seen the whole thing happen in front of us two car lengths ahead. I kept driving.
Everything you may do after you lose someone's respect, is just another reason for them to resent you. I don't think this is why we split, but I think it was the beginning.
None the less years later, we both tried and we both failed.
So anyway, here I am now after making some huge changes in my life, in a brand new camper, and a new pet.
Single life is good.
Camper life is expensive. Jajaja.
Puppies are a lot of work.
Your kids are going to grow up and move out. So should I.
This book was started three years ago maybe less and I publish it and unpublish it. I find some direction and lose it.
I really hope this isn't the story of my life. But it's very familiar.
So.... unbelievably, if I somehow kept your attention to here, you have made it man. My adventures in camping began two fucking days ago and by choice, I decided against the tv. There is no tv in my 29 footer.
I'm having withdrawals really. But hey, all this time alone in meditation, silence, sunshine, rain pattering, and dog panting has got my opposable thumbs at work.
Let's see if I can journey a journal for you fucks in your comfortable ruts. Jajaja
I decided that if I was going to travel this country in a camper, I should have plenty to write about that's new.
Franky and I are learning each other well. He's a gooood boyeee! (Letterkenny reference, if you don't know, you should know.)
I gave notice at my job about a week ago. It was taken well and I can leave on my own terms. So I am leaving this town after August.
This means, I have three months to learn how to back a rig up. Set up and tear down efficiently. I should get used to moving.
I have always dreamed of living nomadically but I've always had kids to take care of. Played it safe. I always kept a job and a place of some stability. Even when it wasn't stable. I tried to keep it together and as parents, I kind of expect you to understand what I'm talking about.
I may have been a major fuckhead growing up. I'm going to try and not be one this time around.
What's in the future for us all?
Well let me describe a few of my own expectations. I'm going to write about my adventures in camper life. People I meet along the way. Of course there will be stories of old. Stories of new. Philosophies and poetry as well as maybe wild dreams. Pop ups and puzzles and other things like coloring pages. Jajajaja maybe some erotic stories. If it happens to be tasty.
I could write my own versions of erotic shorts but I don't want to change your view of me, but I still try to get laid. I know I definitely think a lot on it. Jajaja
We will see. Adventures in adulting? It's the name of the book, right?
I will work on my punctuation.
No television. Crazy.
So hey, if you are actually here, and you like this weird style of writing, let me know you were here. Any inspiration will be accepted and any questions are welcome. Hell man, you can even criticize it out loud here if you want. Criticism is the water that feeds us all.
It's been awhile since I've written in any capacity, but maybe, these writings are a way for me to get to know me as well.
I love you guys and thanks for bearing with me. I have to go find some firewood and get some groceries.
GET BUSY LIVING OR JUST SIT THERE WAITING TO DIE, Man.