A New Beginning

20. Finding Yourself Again (Part 2)

Where am I?  Nick thought to himself as he looked around an unfamiliar room. Nick looked over his shoulder and saw Bonnie. Suddenly things came back to him and he sighed deeply. He glanced at the clock which said '6:30 am' and frowned. 

Jeff needs me right now. I just now it. He has nightmares every night and they're worse when he's upset. He's probably having one of the worst nightmares because of me and I'm not even there to make sure he's alright when he wakes up. Maybe I shouldn't leave him alone...I should have stayed. He always curls up beside me and he's going to wake up and I won't be there...some friend I am...but...it's for the best though. Because if I don't do this now it'll ruin our friendship. This is the only way to save our friendship. I have to. I need Jeff. I have to do this! But still...he's suffering now, almost as much as I am, and I can't do a thing to help him...and even worse, it's all my fault. I had to have these...these feelings for him. Jeffy...I'm so sorry...it has to be done this way if I want to stay as your friend. If I can make myself straight I can fix our friendship. I have to do this, I have to protect him...I'm so sorry Buttercup...I am so fucking sorry. 

Nick sighed and grabbed his phone on his pants pocket on the floor. His heart broke when he saw the front screen. 'Seventy texts, Thirty-five missed called, and five voice mails'. All from Jeff. He opened his inbox and fast read through a few of the texts, his stomach began to form a knot. 

Each text was even more heart retching than the last, ranging from a simple 'Where are you' or an 'I hope you're alright' to 'I'm so sorry Nicky, please forgive me' and 'Nicky, please, please come back. I need you'

Nick couldn't read anymore. He couldn't bear to. He put his phone down and looked at it in confusion when it started to vibrate. He picked it up and saw Jeff was calling him. 

Should I answer? I need to...Maybe if he hears my voice I'll make him feel a little better and then he can sleep. 

Nick sighed and hit the answer button. He didn't say anything but he knew Jeff could hear him breathing. He couldn't say anything. He literally couldn't say anything. It was as if he lost his voice. 

-N-Nicky?
Jeff asked quietly on the other side of the phone. 

-Nicky, I know you're there...I can hear your breathing. 

-Please, Nicky, I know you don't want to talk to me right now, and I'm not going to force you. 

-I know it'll just make you madder at me...I just...Nicky, I need you.

-I need you so fucking badly Nicky. 

Jeff was about to cry.

-I'm so sorry Nicky. I'm so sorry...I've been thinking about it really hard since you ran out and I think I know what I did to make you so mad. 

-It's because I'm so clingy and needy.

 -I know I am Nicky, I really do! Its just...you were always there for me.

-You were my light in all that darkness and I took advantage of that. 

-I took advantage of you and for that I am sorry. 

-I honestly never meant to do that to you.

-I've been wasting your time and making both our lives so difficult.