A New Beginning

26. Look At Me (Part 1)

"Now Jeffrey, I know what I'm telling you isn't exactly the best way in the world. But now that we have diagnosed the problem we can begin to give you the treatment you need. Living with manic depression can be quite challenging, but with treatment, healthy coping skills, and a solid support system, I'm quite confident that you will be able to live a successful, normal life." Jeff doctor's, Dr. Sexy, said, giving the blond a small, reassuring smile at the end of his speech. 

Jeff shook his head wearily. "Thank you, doctor," He said, giving Dr. Sexy a small smile. 

Dr. Sexy was a very kind, and unjudgemental man and Jeff thoroughly appreciated that about him. Unlike most people, when he saw the scars all over Jeff's body he didn't look at the boy in disgust or pity. Instead, he had a look of understanding, as he had dealt with many patients, or even someone more personal. 

It was refreshing for Jeff to finally have someone he felt understood his self-hatred. The only people who knew about this stuff were his parents, (Who didn't even care), Trent, Sebastian (Who seemed to feel what he felt) and Nick (Who he wasn't even speaking to anymore). He had no one who actually seemed to get it. And maybe Dr. Sexy didn't one hundred percent understand it himself, but he seemed to at least have a certain understanding for it, and it made Jeff feel just the slightest bit less alone. 

The last three days Dr. Sexy, along with a nurse or two, were the only people to visit him. Because of space issues they had to move Jeff up to psych ward which wasn't allowed, visitors. Jeff was mostly thankful for that though, he didn't want to face the other Warblers. They didn't know him the last time he tried to kill himself and they had no clue about it. 

It wasn't exactly one of the things Jeff told. He assumed his parents weren't coming and the message they sent to the hospital proved he was right. Once they were informed about their young son second suicide attempt they called the hospital back and simply said. 

"Keep him there as long as you want, just don't put him in one of the expensive rooms like last time. We spent already enough money on his fancy private school he begged us to go to. Actually, if you can put him to work while he's there so he can pay some of the bills off, please do. We don't have money to waste on his stupid antics." 

Needless to say, Jeff was enjoying his time with Dr. Sexy, or just being able to be alone for a few hours. Being at a boarding school didn't exactly give you the luxury of private time. Here he actually had time to take a step back and reflect. Reflect on everything. Why his parents didn't care about him, or even like him for that matter. 

Why he was so depressed. Why he always had a happy front when he was really crumbling behind it. Why he was even still alive. In the end, he came up with many conclusions. That his parents hated him because he was a failure. He was so depressed because his parents hated him because he was a failure. 

And he was still alive because he was a failure, after all, he did fail to kill himself. It was when he discussed his feelings with Dr. Sexy, that he began to realize just how much he needed help. It wasn't that Dr. Sexy had said anything, it was just hearing himself say his thoughts and feelings out loud that made it register in his brain that there was something wrong with the way he saw himself. 

Jeff, surprisingly, would have loved to remain in psych a few more days but unfortunately for him, there was an open bed in a lower room where Jeff was allowed to stay. Ironically it was the same bed that he had originally had when he first arrived three days ago but was moved from when his mother demanded he be moved to one of the cheaper rooms. Jeff just assumed that they moved him back to the nice room to spite his mother because it was the nurse who spoke with his mother who moved him back.