c o n f u s e d

c h a p t e r 8 ~ o f f i c i a l 🌈

1 week later

Xeina

I woke up surprised not to find Billie in bed like she usually was.

I woke up and brushed my teeth before going downstairs to look for her.

She was nowhere to be seen.

I walked back up the stairs to check if she was in any of the other rooms.

I opened one of the bathroom doors to find Billie holding a piece of glass to her arm.

"Billie?", I said.

She quickly turned dropping the piece of glass in her hand.

"Why didn't you tell me", I said as a tear fell onto my face.

"It's not that simple Xeina", she said wiping away her tears.

"Is it me", I asked.

"Are you fucking joking right now", she scoffed.

"What are you talking about", I said confused.

"Get your fucking head out of your ass for a second and realise that this isn't about you, NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU", she yelled before slamming the door.

She was right. I could've asked her millions of different questions and the first one I asked was about me. Why was I so stupid?

"Billie...I'm sorry your right this isn't about me, there could be millions of different reasons and for some stupid reason my dumbass decided it was about me. You can talk to me. You don't have to do this. Your so fucking beautiful, and you are so ridiculously talented, your so kind and genuine and so much more", I said talking into the door., "Please don't do this".

I waited for an answer before realising that I wasn't going to get one. I walked downstairs decided to make breakfast.

1 hour later

"I know your really mad at me but breakfast is ready", I yelled.

Once again I got no response so went to make my plate of sausage, pancakes, bacon and egg.

As I sat down I watched as Billie walked down the stairs and grabbed herself a plate.

She sat on the seat opposite me not bothering to look up.

I stared at her as she ate desperate for her to day something.

"Please say something Billie", I said.

"What do you want me to say huh. I hate myself Xeina, I literally wanna crawl out of my skin", she said.

I grabbed her hand and stared into her eyes waiting for her to meet my gaze.

"You..are...beautiful", I said.

"You don't understand, you could tell me that a billion times and it wouldn't make a difference because I myself need to believe it", she explained.

"I'm not gonna sit here and tell you your wrong for feeling that way because your not but any day you feel like you wanna harm yourself, you talk to me...I wont judge you", I told her.

"Everyday I hate myself for leaving my little sister with that disgusting person but I have no choice. I feel like throwing myself of a building just to get rid of the guilt", I explained.