Fight for me

Forgivness

Nikki P.O.V

Just as I close my eyes I hear loud banging on the car window but I'm too far deep into sleep to open my eyes. I drift asleep.

I dream about all the good and bad things on my life. From winning am award at Track and Field to being bullied in highschool. Things were never good back then and even now. In highschool I was bullied so much it lead me into a deep spiral of depression which lead to self harm and anorexia. I stopped eating because everytime I looked in the mirror all I saw was fat. I hate myself and not just the way I look but the way I sound and laugh. I'm an annoyance to the world. That's why after John hurt me the first time I started self harm again. I can't handle pain and stress very well and I don't know any other coping ways. I needed help but was too afraid to ask for it. Now look at me. Attempting suicide I'm my car in a truck stop off the highway. I'm a mess.

I have no one who cares. Well I guess Roman and Dean and Seth but Seth only pitys me. He didn't actually like me. I liked Seth a lot though and that's the problem. Because I was just gonna get attached to someone who didn't feel the same way and be hurt in the end. Things never work out in my favour ever. Even when I was little. Brie would be chosen first on the soccer teams and she was always prettier and skinnier and always had her head held high.

I start to feel my dreams fade as a blackness starts to swallow me. Am I dying is this the official end. Where am I going? Am I alive? I'm scared, I regret my decision. I'm so scared I need someone to hold me. Mom? Dad? Please wake up I don't wanna be asleep anymore. I don't wanna die.
I was stupid and dumb and not in the right state of mind to have made this decision I didn't get to tell Brie goodbye or Birdie! I can't go like this. Please whoever is up above God? Science? Anyone or thing? Please don't let me die. I am crushed with a wave of blackness and all I hear are steady beats of what sounds to be a moniter.