'Life should go jump off a Parachute'

crying in my prom dress

that window. that black large window at the side of my room.
it is partially open but it's a windy night tonight and i'm really cold. but i have no motivation to get up and close it. i like the cold.
the sky's black face reminds me of winter.

i remember when i was little during winter time, my mother was working in a hospital which is located far from my home. her work finished at 20:30 and it was really dark and cold. i remember my dad putting me in my little car seat and we would drive off to the city to pick up my mother and bring her back home.

the car ride getting there was silent but the good kind of silent. i looked out the window where i saw the night sky above me, yellow glowing street lamps whizzing past me and casting yellow shades in the car.
i saw people with winter clothes walking around town that late in the night.

i really don't know how to describe the feeling i felt. whenever i go on car rides with my dad.

bright shops, wavy power lines, innocent pedestrians in thick clothing, bits of white frost latching onto bits of green grass, the overall darkness of he short day and the moon's random formations. full moon, crescent moon, new moon, half moon.

what i loved the most about these car rides was the radio. sometimes when it was too silent my dad would turn on the british radio and it always played old songs from around 2007-2012 and from earlier years. the songs they played really fitted. these are all from memory so it may be inaccurate.

"Toniiiiight. We are young. So we set the world on fire!~"

"You may say I'm a dreamer. But I'm not the only one. I hope someday you'll join us. And the world will live as one."

"Hey Jude. Don't feel bad. Take a sad song and make it better."

"I had all and then most of you, some and now none of you. Oh take me back to the night we met."

"You can dance. You can try having the time of you life. Ooh see that girl. Young and sweet from the seventies."

i didn't pay attention to these songs since they all just went over my head when i was little but remembering them now takes me back. like wayyy back.

then when we finally get mother, we drive back the same route home. seeing all the things i saw once again.

one vivid memory i remember when we brought her back home was when we got out of the car, my father had to take out the trash and me and my mother went to get in the house.

but firstly, my mother stopped me to tell my to look up at the sky. i did what she told me and i looked up to face the clear sky. and i remember seeing these little 'sparkles'. they were tiny but they looked like they were red and yellow.

that was the first time i saw what i thought were stars and there were a lot of them widely spaced around the sky.

but that was all long ago. back when i didn't have siblings and mind was innocent as one child can be.

everytime i look up at the night sky out my window, i can't see any of the stars. i can't find the familiar sight of sparkly red and yellow because they were all just gone. like they all moved away and i felt sad as if i'm never going to see them again.

i don't know what this chapter was about. i just wanted to write something that my open window was reminding me of.