Oswalds and Roses | A Doctor Who Fanfic

►Chapter 8 - Pell◄

 The Doctor left the laboratory at a swift pace. He only made one stop before heading to the front gates and that was to go to his room. There he quickly changed back into his regular clothes and pulled on his large purple jacket. Glancing outside of his window he saw a very unwelcome sight. The snow was falling heavily, it had already coated the ground and was likely about half an inch thick. Frowning the Doctor wondered if the Freyans had any way to protect against the heat, he doubted it, they seemed to have no desire to leave the castle while the weather was like this. Stepping out of his door he nearly ran over Amelia. In her hands she was holding some sort of bracelet, she had a huge smile on her face.

 "Mum told me that you were going to visit River," Amelia stated, with a curious tone she asked. "Is that true?"

 "Yes I do believe it is," The Doctor told her smiling at her, Amelia seemed excited by the idea. She too must like River a great deal, which would make sense if she was like a nanny to them.

 "I've never been to her cabin, I don't think anyone has, but I know it is a long journey, and I thought you might be cold... so I thought you might need this." Amelia spat out very quickly and stretched her hands forward. Gently, the Doctor took the device from her. He couldn't say that he knew what it did. But looking at it he saw that it had two buttons on it, one displayed a small flame, and the other a small snowflake. He could guess how it worked but Amelia seemed so excited to show him.

 Looking to Amelia with a smile he spoke. "Thank you very much, how does it work?"

 Excitedly Amelia took the bracelet from him and clamped it around his wrist, it was a bit tight but Amelia pulled on a piece of it and it loosened. Pointing at the snowflake button she told him. "You press this when you are hot and need to cool down," She pointed to the fire button. "And you press this when you are cold and need to warm up, I use it when I go outside to play in the snow, it creates a shield just above your skin and then it can change the temperature inside of the bubble the shield creates."

 "That's brilliant Amelia," It was the complete truth, it was utterly outstanding that she had designed and built it herself. He hoped that she never lost the part of her that had led her to making it. Ruffling up her hair a bit he walked off, knowing by now that they used no sort of farewell greetings.

 He was only three turns away from reaching the front doors when he ran into her. Well she ran into him really, but either way they were down on the floor now. Her long dress was everywhere and the bottom of her corset pressed into his stomach somewhat uncomfortably. Looking up at her he had a sudden flashback to a previous moment.

Clara's bustle had been stuck in a window as they were running away from the previous governess of the household that Clara had been working for. Not this Clara of course, the other Clara, the one that was gone too soon, far too soon. He'd been pulling her out of the window and she'd landed on top of him. Soon after he had tested her, asked her what his plan was, asked her to think like him and she had done it so easily. She was so perfect, outstanding, impossible, amazing, and so many other adjectives that didn't exist in English.

 This Clara was no different, Oswin had been no different too. They were impossible and yet so perfect for him that he wondered if the universe was playing a bad joke on him by tearing them from his life so quickly. He was always worried that on their next adventure that Clara might die again, he didn't think he could handle it if she did. He'd already lost two Claras, three would be crushing.

 But Claire, Claire wasn't like the others. She lacked so many things that made Clara Clara. The only thing that made the two similar in any major way was their faces. It made him wonder. He had a theory that perhaps all the versions of Clara were based off of Claire, but had different personalities from her. But that made no sense, who would want to clone one woman and spread her randomly across time. What was the point?

 Snapping back to the present he looked up at Clara. Her face still held the shock from early but she was forcing a small smile onto her face. "My apologies," She muttered getting up quickly and brushing herself off as though she had gotten dirt on herself. The Doctor got up just as quickly and cleared his throat.

 "Doctor, do you mind if we chat quickly?" Clara asked, tilting her head as she looked up at him. Nodding Clara crossed her arms and started to slowly pace.

 "I asked you, just this morning, if you were falling in love with somebody else, was that River?" Clara questioned looking into his eyes eagerly awaiting an answer.

 The answer was obviously no, but the Doctor knew what she was really asking and he didn't know how to respond. Either way that he answered would lead to some sort of hurt. "Not exactly, River is... complicated. We've met and we're married and I care for her. But I don't know her, she just shows up with trouble to deal with, we deal with it and then... she's gone again."

 "And I'm a Time Lord, and I know things about River that make it so painful to see her that a lot of the time I don't want to. And when she is around I feel so guilty because I know what she will do and that I can't stop it because it's already happened. Then there's..." Vaguely he gestured to Clara. Not thinking that any words were necessary.

 "Do you love her?" Clara pondered simply, it was a simple question but the answer was nowhere near simple.

 "I care for her, maybe I love her, but if I do it is not the love I once felt for Rose. It's... a love I know I should have but doesn't feel like it has anything to it." The Doctor tried to explain what was going on in his mind but the words that he thought didn't always translate out right. Sometimes they got messed up or English didn't have a word that he wanted to use. If Clara could speak his language it would be so much easier, but there was nobody who spoke gallifreyan left, only him.

 "Well then, can I come with you?" Clara asked with a pure smile.

 "No," The Doctor replied emphatically, she would certainly not be coming with him.

 "Why not? I would love to meet her," Clara told him, he could tell that she wasn't lying. And generally she wanted to come with him on any of his adventures, but he couldn't let her this time.

 It was not because he did not want them to meet. It was because he knew that River would see how he felt moments after they had met. Heck, River could probably see the two from a distance and tell that the Doctor felt for Clara. River knew him almost too well. He feared that that would hurt River, she both expected too much and too little of him. She seemed to think that he loved no one but his adventures, yet she seemed to think that he would care the most for her out of any human. Neither of these statements was true. he cared for everything, every human, every being, all of them mattered to him. And he couldn't ever chose one that he cared for the most out of all of them, because the care and love that he felt for all of the people in his life was different. The love he felt for Rose was different from the love he had for Romanadvoratrelundar. They couldn't be compared. If River saw Clara though, and she saw how the Doctor cared for her. She would be devastated, the Doctor knew this and he couldn't do that to River. He cared too much to cause her heartbreak, besides then she might start to think that she couldn't ask for his help when she was in trouble. He didn't want her to think that. He was always there to help her.

 "Because River is... River is... well she's River and she won't take very kindly to having you around." The Doctor tried to explain in a way that sounded reasonable.

 "Well why's that?" Clara asked, pushing him for a further answer. He could could practically see her head swirling with questions at this point, she wasn't going to let this go.

 "Because River will see..." The Doctor decided before looking up and down the hall. Taking a deep breath eh looked back at her. "She'll see that I care for you, and River would be hurt by that. She doesn't understand immortality yet,"