Letting Go

Chapter 7 : Breakfast

I couldn't reply to her message now! It has been four hours, besides it was late; my eyes go to the time at the top of my phone screen. 12:34 AM. Should I call her? No. But my anxiety? Fuck it. Do it! I tap on the phone icon and soon here ringing. Almost immediately my heart rate went up to 100 beats per minute, I seriously regretted my decision. My mind began - If I hang up now it will be over, but she might call me back since she missed my call.

"Oh, shit" I cuss to myself lowly as I look around frantically for something or some help. In no time, her angelic voice goes out through my phone so smoothly that it's hard to not smile. Then again, maybe it's just me.

"Hey..." she greets me, my mind was yelling commands at me as if I were a pet. Swallow your spit, Don't freak out, and be calm. I start to coach myself before I finally get the nerve to reply.

"Hey." talk, I scold myself for being such a nimrod.  "I'm sorry for calling you so late..."

"No, it's fine. Don't worry about it. Really. So how are you?" We were acting as if we had dated for years then broke up. But this situation is so much more dramatic than it needs to be. I take in a deep breath and nod to myself knowing what to say. Or at least try to say.

"Let's cut the shit?" Her small laugh fills the quietness. A smile spreads on my face at the sound.

"Yeah."

"Billie, I feel like there isn't any I have to really feel sorry for. It was a simple mistake. I mean I'm sorry if that was disrespectful. But I actually feel like me being a lesbian made it super uncomfortable for you." I hear a deep breath being taken from the other line.

"No. I'm sorry for making you feel that way. It wasn't a big deal. All honesty? I felt like you had a crush on me..." just then, my heart fell into my stomach. How could I tell her I didn't? All the signs pointed to me liking her. I didn't even - did I? No. I barely know this girl and yet here we are acting as if we were together for years.

"I don't. I have a girlfriend." I lied through my teeth. What the fuck man? I didn't know why I lied. I wasn't anything with anyone. But the need to not let her the truth was so strong that I didn't even know what I was saying before I said it.

"Oh that's cool let me meet her" she replied, back to her regular voice and part of me just sinks lower into my mattress. A soft smile that felt incredibly heavy fell on my face.

"Sure."

"Awesome. Let's get breakfast?"

"Yeah. Sounds good. Hit me up later. See you."

"See you Ellie..." she said lowly before I hear the sound indicating that she had hung up. My fingers tapped for Shawn's number and I sat up straight on my bed.

"Hey what's up. Elle, you okay?" He said a bit hoarsely moving around a bit on the other line.

"I told Billie I have a girlfriend and we are having breakfast tomorrow morning!" I quickly say running a hand through my hair. A few small laughs are heard and I recognize one as Ashley. "Pass the phone to Ashley"

"Hey there." She greeted me with a sultry tone. A small smirk lays carelessly on my lips. It came naturally when I heard her voice.

"Let's get breakfast."

"Hahaha. Okay. Don't you have a show in Berlin at 7?"

"So?"

"Nothing..."

"Send me your phone number and I'll pick you up later?" I ask quickly, I had 12 hours before I had to board a plane and 7 of those I would be asleep. Then I have to convince this beautiful girl that I would not mind at all dating that I have a girlfriend and feel nothing for her. Shit, the guilt already was starting to become too much for me.