Chapter 13: Figuring It Out

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Time really passed me by these past few weeks because before I knew it, my tour was over and I was back home. This tour was not what I had expected at all. The insane fans, the trouble with Ashley, and Billie. My mind was going over all that has happened while I laid on my bed. The sound of heels clicking against the marble floor get closer to my bedroom, on cue - Jade enters my room.

"Carmela... what the hell happened on tour?" She asked me breathlessly; taking a seat across from my bed.

"What do you mean? It was a great tour." I replied trying my best to get to just drop it.

"Don't lie to me." I sit up and look at her for the first time since our conversation started.

"Nothing. I have to get ready for dinner with my girlfriend. So can you go?" I state a bit rudely, Jade didn't deserve that - not one bit but I knew I would break down if I talked to her and I didn't need that right now. She just nods; pursing her lips and walks out of my room. I lock my door behind her and go to my full body mirror. My hair was growing to the point where my hair was parted instead of my bangs. I had gotten thinner, with everything going on I hadn't been taking care of myself. I lazily grab a towel and begin to get ready for my date. Minutes later as the warm waters hit my body, the thought of Ashley fills my head. Slowly my thoughts go to Billie, our memories together, and how we left things. The way her lips always looked so soft and peach pink. Absolutely beautiful. Wait, what? I shake my head of those thoughts and get out of the shower; wrapping myself in my towel. Why would I think of that? I take out a pair of Adidas bike shorts, an Adidas tube top with surprise surprise, some Adidas sneakers. A small ding is heard from across my room indicating I got a message.

Ashley.
Here baby

I don't reply and just make my way downstairs to her. Jade sat on the grey leather sectional sofa; looking back at me with a glint of hurt in her eyes. I knew I hurt Jade earlier but - no. There was no reason for the way I treated her. But, of course, I kept my mouth shut and walked out. Ashley gets out of her Uber and unlike the first time, I laid my eyes on her, a bit of sadness hit me at the sight of her. She smiles at me and races up to place a kiss on my lips, there was no way to put it. Ashley broke my heart, my trust, and this relationship. Part of me loved her, at least I think, I didn't want to throw this all away.

"Hi lover"

"Hey, let's go." She intertwines our fingers as we make our way to the car. There was Chris, in the driver's seat, I hadn't spoken to him either. I pat his shoulder, and he starts our way to the restaurant we were heading too. After listening to Ashley go on for 20 minutes about how much she missed me on tour we finally arrived. I put my head down and rush in with Ashley trailing behind me. It was clear that something was up with me but, she hasn't asked me. That's okay. What would I say anyway? Hi Ashley, I think I don't love you anymore and this is broken. And the cherry on top of this mess is I think I may have feelings for my best friend who is straight with a fucking boyfriend. The hostess at the front smiles kindly at me before confirming my reservation, I nod and we make our way to my table.

"What would you like to drink?" She asks us taking out a paper.

"Water," I state before looking through the menu.

"A pineapple smoothie with strawberry, mango and a tablespoon of mint, no pulp please." My eyes go on to Ashley, is this bitch serious? I raise my eyebrows at her. Ashley hates mango and mint.

"Baby cravings." She states shrugging her shoulders before scanning the menu. Baby cravings. Baby cravings.

Baby cravings.

Because she is having a baby.

With my old friend Shawn.

I stand up and put down five dollars on the table.

"That should cover your baby cravings."

"Baby where are you going?" She asks me nervously as I begin walking away. The way I saw Ashley now was nowhere close to how I used too. I reply bitterly before continuing to make my way out.

"I'm going to tell my best friend that I'm sorry and who knows maybe tell her that I'm in love with her."

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