Heartbreak Fluorescence

chapter 1

WESTON

By the cool and sparkling lake, I decided for myself that I was a villain. I had always been viewed as a hero-even my mother says so-but I was a villain to my own story. Truly.

If I hadn't been obsessing over self-hatred over the years, I wouldn't have been the villain. I would've been a normal person who doesn't loathe himself and everyone-including the people I save.

And yet, I still find myself here. If it weren't for Andrew, I wouldn't be here, at the mercy of this school. He got me in with his wits and talent, camouflaging mine.

"Coffee," he started, as he promised before we got here, and put one in front of me.

I turned around. "Starbucks? They have one of those here?"

"They do," he said and sipped his vanilla drink. Andrew doesn't consume caffeine. "Nice. Good to know that with their absurd prices comes a great worth of sugar."

We stood on the sides of the rather large cafeteria as the juniors got seated, handling their lunch. I liked how I felt as seniors-big, heroic, and desirable.

Clicking my tongue, I wondered aloud where our other friends are-the ones that convinced me to move here in the first place. A private school full of snobs and beauty pageant girls with high maintenance who learned correct ways to set flowers and fire maids like a pro.

"Felix's right there, Wes. And so is Orion. Are you fucking blind?"

"No," I whisper, praying to the god I don't believe exists that Andrew would either keep his tone down or just shut up. "And don't say my name and call me blind too loudly. It's embarrassig. I just don't stare at crowds like a creep. Wait-don't go after them, don't you see that they're busy?" I put an arm in front of him after he tries to approach them.

"They're waiting for us."

"No, we're waiting for them. We don't go to crowds, Andrew. They go to us."

He huffed and rolled his eyes. "Go find some social skills, Wes."

"Social skills are overrated," I say. And I meant it. I've always meant it.

I came to regret the statement I believed in all my life after an adolescent moves in front of me like a gazelle, showing off its freedom in front of the predator. Covered in a jacket and cap, she looked small, yet she moves so quickly. I felt like a beast of prey because I couldn't keep my eyes off her. Because the further she goes, the greater my ambition.

Andrew groaned from beside me, shoving me hard. "Fuckin' shit. Go find some social skills, Wes."

I shrugged him off, my eyes fixed on a creature I have never seen before. She wore a dress underneath her jean jacket, showing off her thin legs. She wore ballet flats with strings, presenting her plastic-like legs.

I was still staring at her when Felix and Maxwell came to greet us.

"Stop looking at me like that, Felix," I murmured. "I'm in love, not stupid." Even though that's sometimes the same thing, I thought.

"It's okay, Wes. We all think you needed a break from all that plotting. You look like you're always ready to murder someone. Now pay up, Andrew."

That grabbed my attention. "Pay up?"

Andrew laughed as he took out his wallet, grabbing a ten-dollar bill. "I betted that it would be either me or Orion. You know, to be pussy-whipped."

I cringed, disgusted. "Don't say pussy-whipped. You're not ten. Let me guess; Felix betted that he would be the one. Or me. That's a really stupid bet, man. You shouldn't have bet on me-I'd cost you money if it weren't for the girl."

"True, but he won, didn't he? You cost me ten dollars, Wes. Hold on that for your life."

"That's on you, not me," I chuckled. "Well, if I were you all, I wouldn't have thought it'd be me as well."

Felix hit me playfully in the shoulder and chuckled lightly in his inherent way, his expression joyful and ironic. "Go find some social skills, Wes."