Heartbreak Fluorescence

chapter 3

WESTON

Andrew trusts my social abilities too much. He shouldn't. My actions themselves are pretty self-explanatory.

"So, did you find anyone interesting? Raymond, perhaps? Ivy? Cara? Her dad owns a printing company, you know."

"Printing company? That's cool. Okay, what about Ivy?"

"Hotels. You know that Mandarin Oriental type of shit. Rich people," he said spontaneously, without a care in the world. As if they were the closest friends and he knew everything about her. "So you find Ivy interesting? She's pretty, isn't she? She's like everyone's type. I would know. I had a crush on her the first time I saw her, but it died out eventually. I don't see myself with her."

"Interesting, pretty, yeah, if you're into runway models," I scoffed. "Which I'm definitely not."

"Who's not into models?" He retorted snarkily.

"Me! I'm into Valentina, and Valentina only." This is weird because now I'm pledging my loyalty to a girl who probably doesn't even know me.

"Ha. It's like you're convincing yourself. Fine. I'll have you know, just because she requested this specifically today," Andrew stated. "You know why I invited you instead of Felix or Orion to hang out last Saturday?"

I shook my head, signaling him to go on.

"It's not even because I want you to know them personally-no offense. You're a great guy, Wes, and I'm glad to introduce you to them, but they're my friends. I want to get to know them better too," he sighed. "It's only because she wants to get to know you. She likes you, Wes. You're a lucky bastard and you probably don't care."

"You're right-I don't care, so you can tell her to find another guy to have a crush on because I'm not interested."

"You know damn well it doesn't work that way, dude. You just fell in love, you of all people should know how it feels," he sighed. "I'm disappointed, Wes."

"What the hell do you want me to do? I'm not interested in her."

"You can tell her gently, maybe allow yourself to care a little. Let her down slowly-you know what? Forget it. I'll tell her myself. Find me tomorrow after I comfort the girl whose heart you broke." With that, he stormed off, and I never saw him again that day.

---

I walked to biology with an ugly scowl that I'm pretty sure made me look evil. I dislike biology and I dislike my current state with Andrew.

The only smile I wore today was probably when my seatmate Dylan cracked a (un)funny joke. Dylan's probably the only friend I've made around here, so I made an extra effort to keep him. He's nice, very natural, very normal. Not the best in academics, but he's respectful and he never bothers me and never interrupts me when I talk. My only complaint is that he smells like a dead skunk every time our session is precisely after recess.

I should gift him deodorant for Christmas. But then he'd be offended and y'know, bye-bye to the new friend.

"So Wes..." Dylan murmured, now facing me completely. "I needed to get something off my chest, and I feel like you're one of the people I trust."

"Yeah, go on," I gave him an encouraging smile, hoping our friendship would blossom like my father's orange tree. We're not even that close, but I appreciated that he trusts me and admits it to me. It makes me trust him too.

"There's this girl I like. And I don't just like her, I like her. It's how you like Valentina, you know? I heard the boys talking about it and I get it. And I'm confessing to her on her birthday. She's just so pretty, and she even showed signs that she liked me. Her name's Ivy, you know, the one who wore the pink dress today."

Wait, didn't she like me?

"She initiated a chat with me. She even asked me to draw for her after I told her how much I like to draw. And then, she kept the drawing inside the novel she's currently reading."

"Oh, that's great for you, man!" I smiled, even though I couldn't care less. Why is Ivy everywhere I go?

"Yeah, her birthday is on the first day of Christmas, so I was thinking of giving her a small pot of a tree? You know and hang Christmas decorations. She loves small plants."

"Oh, of course. That's cute," I murmur. I'm happy for Dylan if Ivy accepts him, which I highly doubt. But I'm not going to tell him that. I just think he's way out of her league. Ivy's like a princess, and Dylan is a... not a prince.

I only think it's great that he motivated me to go talk to Valentina. If a guy as shy as Dylan is brave enough to go after the girl of his dreams, why wouldn't I be?

I intended to meet her after class. I slipped a note into her locker the cliché way and only discovered hours later that she either didn't get the letter or ripped it and threw it into the trash bin.

And so, I did it again the next day. A small letter in a small envelope mentioning that I would like to meet her after school, with the time and place and everything. Signed by my name neatly, with a sprinkle of perfume inside the envelope. I waited, and again, she either lost the letter, or forgot, or probably threw it away and laughed.

I did it again.

And again.

I did it for five days. And for five days she ignored me. Avoided me like a plague. Maybe I am one. She probably ripped all of my letters to her and laughed at me with her friends, drinking champagne at her pool.

Is it wrong? How much I adored her, how much I think about her, how much I'm willing to do for her? Is it wrong to fall in love? Maybe this isn't falling in love. Maybe this is an obsession. It's madness. Toxicity-it's unhealthy.

Unhealthy how I claim I like her so much yet think about another girl so much.

The next day, she flaunted her new boyfriend like a trophy in front of the whole world and I broke down crying at home in the shower, thankful my parents are willing to pay the huge amount of water bill I costed them.