Brotherly Love

Old Feelings and New Promises

It had been ten days, since my last encounter with my brother. The marks on my back were slowly healing and the initial pain had dulled into a faint throbbing and pulling. The swelling in my face had gone down and even the injuries between my legs were getting better everyday. James hadn't been back and the only human contact I had was with Sebastian, who diligently took care of my wounds, never uttering a single word to me. I was only allowed to leave my cell to take a shower in a small, tiled room every three days.

He brought me food twice a day, which helped in determining how long I had been locked away in here. Now that I wasn't in pain all the time anymore, I was bored like hell and desperately tried to occupy myself with pacing around the confined space for hours on end. There was nothing else to do, really, and it drove me slowly insane. I would never admit it, but I was almost looking forward to Sebastians visits, short and silent as they may be. At least it managed to break up the suffocating loneliness I was feeling. I tried talking to him a few times, but he would just look at me blankly and continue on with his task. The more days passed like this, the more I felt like loosing my mind. I started talking to myself, mumbling under my breath, screaming at the camera, when it all got too much.

I felt like a wild animal trapped in a cage and it got worse and worse each day. Being alone wasn't something new, I could handle that, but normally there would be something I could distract myself with, like reading a book or watching a movie. Here I had nothing but my own thoughts to keep me company and that was a dangerous thing indeed. The more time I was alone with my mind, unable to divert my attention to something else, the more I started spinning in circles inside my head. The hopelessness of the whole situation I found myself in, was weighing heavily on me, chipping away at my state of mind bit by bit and after the first few days, I started hearing voices inside my head. At first I ignored them, but they became more and more insistent as time went on. It seemed as if my mind was turning on me, tantalizing me with my deepest fears and doubts about myself. 

Did I really abhor my brother for what he was doing to me? Or was it all my fault after all? If I would just admit to myself, that I only rebelled, because I refused to accept that I was just like my brother, everything would be okay. Did my body not enjoy his touch? Why was my mind fighting what my body already knew? I belonged with him, no one else would ever understand. On and on it went, from the moment I woke, till I fell asleep from exhaustion.

I had started scratching at the skin on my arms, whenever my thoughts became to much to bear and now they were covered in angry red marks, from my wrist up to my shoulders. When the two-week-mark passed, I had had enough. I couldn't go on like this or soon, there would be nothing left of me. So I stood myself directly under the security-camera, looking up at it.

"Jamie? Please let me out of here? I promise I will be good and do everything you want, just please, please let me out! I can't take it anymore, I'm loosing my mind in here! Please let me out!" 

Sobs racked my body while I pleaded and I crumbled to the ground, hugging myself tightly against the feeling of coming apart at the seams. I lay on the dirty floor, not even feeling the cold anymore, drowning in my misery and unable to get up again. There was no point to it anyway, I might as well just stay on the ground and slowly waste away.

I was so lost in my desperation, that I didn't notice someone entering the room, until a pair of shiny, black loafers came into view. Looking up, I recognized my brother and I flung myself off the ground and into his arms, clinging to him like I was afraid he would disappear again. I burrowed my head in his chest, babbling incoherent nonsense and crying like a baby. His arms came around me, enveloping me in a tight hug and he soothed me by mumbling sweet nothings in my ear and stroking my head. After a while I had calmed down enough, to lift my head from his chest and look at his face with hopeful eyes.