The Day Hannah Died (wlw / gxg)

The Day Hannah Smiled

There are first-smiles-moments. You can know a person for years without ever having seen their real smile. But when you see it, you know it. It's when they can't stop smiling. It's when their eyes shine brightly. It's when they smile at you with unconditional love and compassion. It's when they are completely happy at that moment.

I remember the first time I saw Val's real smile.

Even in ninth grade, when we met, he was popular. Val was that kind of person who was friends with everyone. Even with people he couldn't stand or didn't like. And everyone was friends with him because he brought them cigarettes and threw great parties everyone liked attending. I never thought he would in any way be interested in me. We didn't go to the same school and we only met on Wednesday's soccer training. He was my first friend-crush. I had been friends with Chloe and Libby since kindergarten when you never think about becoming friends – you just are. And later, I didn't think about becoming friends with anyone else.

Then, there was Val. He was the new kid and I heard the cheerleading girls in the locker room talking about him. I didn't know him so obviously, he went to their school. I didn't like the fact that there was someone new. I had just convinced the boys in the team I was just as good as them. I left the locker room with a bad feeling in my stomach. I didn't like changes. I didn't like proving myself over and over again because there was no girls' soccer team in our town.

The coach introduced us to our newest member. He didn't look any special to me. He was just another guy with a witty smile on the lips. Not his real smile. A smile all the boys that age wear, one that says that they do a lot of dumb stuff like stealing the teacher's bag or making races in the school halls with self-made vehicles from skateboards and school chairs (both things Val told me later they did).

Training wasn't different to any other Wednesday, so I forgot about the new kid for about two hours – until I left the gym. Val caught up to me, jogging.

"Your technique is terrific, du Pont!"

I was startled for a moment, then I mumbled a "Thank you" to my feet.

"I'm Val."

"Riley. Riley du Pont." I shook his hand.

"I know. The guys told me about you. They're really fond you."

I must've laughed unbelievingly.

"It's true."

We stood there for a moment in awkward silence, then he said: "I better head home. See you next week, Riley."

"Bye, Val."

Over the next few weeks, we started talking. Wednesdays became my favorite day of the week. Eventually, he asked me over to his house. That was the first time I was on the rooftop and also the first time I met Val's parents. Charles' voice is similar to Obama's: it's deep, firm, calming. He shook my hand. Elena on the other side was vivid and sprightly. She told me it was nice to meet me and kissed me on the cheek. They introduced themselves as Elena and Charles.

"Eres muy linda," she said. "¿Hablas español, Riley?"

I looked awkwardly at Val. I hadn't understood a word she said.

"Valentín, you should teach her!"

He grinned at me. "Maybe I will."

He never did.

Later, Val took me to the rooftop. I must've said something – I don't remember what exactly, but he smiled a different way than all the times before. It was the first time I realized there was a difference between a smile and a real smile.

After Elena had died, I didn't see his real smile for more than a year.

I remember the circumstances I first saw Hannah's real smile. It was on Day One, on the rooftop, when she first saw me. I didn't know until later, of course. After some time, after watching her almost all the time we were together, I knew her expressions very well. She bit her lip every time she said something funny as if she was trying not to laugh about her own joke. She narrowed her eyes when annoyed or irritated. She threw her head back while laughing. She twirled her ponytail whenever she was nervous. She had two wrinkles between her eyes when she was reading. And whenever she saw me, her eyes widened and lit up and her smile got bigger. It was that smile I got the first time she saw me, and it was always the same, no matter what had happened. Seeing me made her happy. I made her happy.