Passion for Perfection | Open Novella Contest 2019

Epilogue: The Tomb

2nd February

Yesterday was the funeral. I wasn't very well but I felt bad for holding everyone up so I forced Ethan to convince the doctors to let me leave on a wheelchair. I still can't walk or move my legs much (one of them is still in a cast) so I need help with most things, which made the convincing part a bit harder. However, we managed to get the doctor on our side and my mother finally got her funeral.

With Mel's words of encouragement and a lot of help from Ethan, I got into a black dress with a black jacket. Mel and Dee were the only ones who talked to me on a regular basis. The others were probably grieving by themselves.

On the day, the weather was cold and the strong wind nipped at any exposed skin, so I was allowed a have a blanket with me— one of the few perks of being bound to a wheelchair. Dee suggested that she be the one to front, but I stood my ground and told her that I wanted to be there to say goodbye. She didn't argue.

The funeral itself wasn't long. Most people that knew my mother had already had enough time to grieve while I was in hospital. I wasn't surprised when I received some disapproving looks at church, but there weren't many. Most people were kind or at least polite enough to not say anything.

At the cemetery, Ethan and I stood near the back of the gathering, despite the priest telling us we should be at the front; we were the closest relatives after all. I declined though. I didn't deserve to be at the front. So instead I sat in my wheelchair at the back of the small crowd, gripping my white bouquet with my good hand.

No one knew that this was a double funeral for me. No one knew that I was mourning the loss of two people, not just one. Even Ethan thinks I had gotten an abortion as soon as he left the country. That's what I had told him. I decided that it would be less painful for him than knowing our child died as an almost fully formed human. That weight was mine and mine alone.

I convinced Ethan to let me stay a bit longer after the crowd had slowly started to dwindle. We stood there until we were the only ones still present. As I set my bouquet on Mother's grave, I silently prayed for her to take care of my darling.

You could say I died that night I ended up in hospital. In fact, my heart did stop beating at some point, just for a few seconds. I have been granted with a second chance at life. Well, it is time to start over.

It is time for my resurrection.

~ Jane