Winter's Hearts

Chapter 42

Your life fell into a pattern over the next couple of days. You went through the training dance every morning with Loki. It felt like old times and you remembered small snippets of your life when you did. Your body could work through the familiar movements while your mind wandered among itself, looking for your past. You spent time with the team, trying to get to know them again. That was more difficult, since they all talked and acted like you knew them, since they knew you. It was disconcerting at best and frustrating as Hel at worst. At least they stopped asking if you remembered things.

It seemed like your personality was intact.

Or so you were told when the alarms sounded in the tower and you wouldn't let Loki go without you. He was your charge to protect. Of course you were going with him. You couldn't remember your own name, or the past thousand years you'd been alive, but you knew your duty to your prince. You knew how to fight and you would not let your husband fight alone.

"It's too dangerous," Cap protested. "We can't have her fighting around civilians when she can't remember anything, including how to pull her punches,"

You glared at him. "I am going with my husband whether you want me to or not," you told him firmly. Cap glared right back at you, but you didn't budge.

"You will not convince her otherwise, Captain," Loki informed him. "She is stubborn as Hel and it does you no good to argue with a Valkyrie about keeping her charge safe. We go to this fight together,"

Together.

The word resounded in you and it felt right. It felt like how you always were with your Loki. Ever since you'd found him again. You were together in everything. Every challenge you faced, you'd do it together.

That's what being married was about.

And being his Valkyrie?

That just meant that you'd kill every single person on the face of the Earth before you'd allow harm to come to a single hair on his head. That was reasonable, right? Right?

Ok, maybe not, but he was still yours to protect. And by Odin's saggy shriveled left testicle you would not allow him to go out into danger alone.

Cap gave you a stern look. "Fine, you can come, but do not kill anyone unless it is absolutely life or death necessary. Monsters you can kill. Don't hurt the civilians no matter how stupid you and Loki think they are," he tried to give a quick rundown of what was and was not allowed when it came to missions with the team.

You rolled your eyes. "I have amnesia, I'm not a moron, Cap," you informed him dryly as you summoned your battle armor and blades. "I'm also not an immoral monster, despite that I'm half Jotun," you informed him grumpily.

Loki chuckled. "Some things never change, my darling," he told you warmly. You grinned at him. Some things, did in fact, never change.

*

A couple days later you walked into the common room to find Loki and Thor talking. At least they seemed to be talking and not arguing. They didn't see you and they were in the middle of a conversation "We should take her home to mother, see if she can find a solution. She's not getting any better, despite your magic, and despite your tricks," Thor was telling Loki.

Loki sighed and placed his head in his hands. "I know. You're right, I just... I feel so helpless. I can't even save or protect my wife. I didn't even take care of my Valkyrie. I'm not worthy of either. Not worthy of her," he said with heartbreak and tears in his voice.

"As says any gentleman who is in love. You are worthy of her and have loved her for your entire life. Now, we have to do what is best for her and take her to mother. You know mother is a stronger healer and has done mind healing before. Mayhaps she can help," Thor suggested gently.

Loki sighed. "You're right," he said, defeated. "Everything I have tried has failed. It's time to bring mother in and see if there is anything she can do," he sighed again before he admitted. "I have been delaying asking for her help, in a large part due to my own fear. What if she cannot cure Kyrie?" he asked Thor plaintively, his voice not the strong confident Loki you knew, but that of a small boy begging his older brother to help him.

Thor clapped Loki's shoulder reassuringly. "Mother is the strongest healer in the entire realm. I'm sure she will have some trick up her sleeve to help,"

"And if she doesn't?!" Loki demanded, his voice pained. "What if she can never remember?"

"Then you shall both have to live with that outcome. You will have to woo her again, win her heart again. It will not be easy, but nothing in the nine realms worth having is. We can tell her stories of our life before now. It is not the same. It is not ideal, but I know you care for her more than anything in any universe and I know you will refuse to lose her," Thor said and pulled Loki into his arms. For once, Loki didn't stab Thor, accepting the comfort.

You realized how tough all of this was on Loki, on your husband who gave you space, who was so careful not to push you, to make you uncomfortable. You husband who had known you for centuries, but who you couldn't remember. You knew it was hard on him when you weren't comfortable kissing a stranger, much less sleeping in the same bed as one. It was hard to get over the feeling that you didn't know him. You knew you did. You remembered a few small pieces of him. It hadn't quite been enough, not until now.

Now he was hurting.

Now you couldn't deny his love.

It broke your heart to see him so hurting. You slipped into the room and took Thor's place, pulling your husband into your arms. Thor let you take his place without question or comment. "It'll be alright, Lohk," you promised him. Whatever happened, it would be alright. You would face it together. His arms wrapped tentatively around you and he held you close when you didn't pull away, burying his head in the crook of your neck while you stroked his hair, whispering reassuring words.

You couldn't remember him, couldn't remember meeting him or falling in love.

But somehow you felt the love you had shared regardless.