Anxiety

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There was some turbulence during the flight. I tend to panic quickly so my body naturally woke up from my deep sleep and alerted me to worry over something probably not even worth worrying about. 

I opened my eyes and looked around. everyone was asleep apart from Taehyung. I didn't really know what to do, yes I'm 18 years old, but turbulence scares me on planes, you never know what will go wrong. Hoseok was resting his head against the window asleep, his legs spread, leaving me cramped, and his arm was resting on his lap. Yoongi was also asleep, his arms were crossed over his stomach and his head resting to the side. I didn't want to wake them up but I needed to go for a quick walk down the aisle way just to stretch my legs. I squirmed out of my seat, carefully getting up without accidentally moving Hoseok's wide spread legs. I was making my way to Taehyung, he was awake after all so I should probably try to get to know him better.  As I was walking up to his seat which was probably no less than ten steps away, I stumbled due to the turbulence and nearly fell onto a sleeping Jungkook. This caught Taehyung's attention to which he looked up and smiled at me with his bright puppy eyes. There was a seat next to Tae that was free but I need to get through a sleeping Jungkook and climb over Tae to get to it. This was a sticky situation because they both had their legs sprawled out. I whispered to Tae if I could sit next to him, gesturing to the free seat. "Yes Y/N! Come sit", so I carefully climbed over Jungkook, and Tae helped me to climb over him too, and I fell onto the designated chair. 

I let out a deep sigh as I was still in a slight state of panic. I tried not to show it, I don't like it when people know I'm afraid. I started fidgeting with my hands and fingers, sweating, biting my lip. I would have gone on my phone, or tried to listen to music. But I really was anxious. My parents weren't here to tell me it's going to be okay, my sisters weren't here to laugh and make fun of me. I would just about do anything to hear their jokes again... Tae must have noticed my strange behaviour. He was watching a movie on his iPad so I decided not to interrupt, but he took out his one earphone and asked if I was okay, I just smiled and replied with "Ne", he wasn't convinced though, he gave me his earphone that he had taken out, he put on the english subtitles for me and let me watch, he lifted the arm rest barrier between our seats and pulled me closer and pulled the blanket over me. I was snuggled under his arm. This act really surprised me. It all happened so suddenly, I didn't know how to respond, how to react, I was snuggling with a man I did not know but at the same time it was so comforting. I looked up to him, his eyes fixated onto the screen, I whispered a 'thank you', it was very quiet so I was sure he didn't hear, but he smiled, still looking at the screen and rubbed my arm. I felt so fuzzy in that moment. My heart was warm. My thoughts were at ease. I was so content. The turbulence had finally stopped.  There was still quite a while left until we landed in Seoul. The sky was dark outside so my body was telling me to go back to sleep. I didn't even bother to try and at least follow the storyline of the movie, I closed my eyes and fell asleep in his arms.  

I woke up to the sound of the pilot telling us we would be landing shortly. The boys had all woken up, they were adjusting their seats and ready to get off. It seemed like they were all asking Namjoon if he had his passport with him and all Namjoon did was sigh and laugh whilst occasionally rolling his eyes at the comments. I didn't go back to my original seat as we were so close to landing. I loved it when the plane would take off and land, it goes so fast, it feels like a ride at a funfair. I grabbed Tae's hand as we landed because it was a bumpy ride. He just looked over and chuckled. It was hard not being able to communicate, all I could do was smile. Once the plane landed and we could all get up, I made my way to my original seat to grab my suitcase, I was welcomed by Hoseok, he obviously had slept the entire journey, his eyes were puffy and his hair was messy, his voice was deep and groggy, "oooo you so cute!" he beamed as he ran his hand through my hair, and squeezed my cheeks, I laughed at his actions, he was the sun I needed in my life. I really like Hoseok. We walked towards the exit, Hoseok in front and Yoongi behind, we got into the car that was waiting for us and all got in. It was a bit cramped as we had our bags with us, Jimin and Jungkook both looked like they needed more sleep so they rested their eyes but there wasn't much point as we were at the airport in seconds. Again, we got out and proceeded to make our way into the airport for security checks and whatnot. The boys seemed shocked, they could hear screams and fan chants. They all looked at each other whilst walking, mumbling things, clearly annoyed. I looked at Namjoon for some meaning behind all this. He explained, "Y/N, no one was meant to know we were in the airport today, no one even knew we left Korea to begin with! We didn't want this for you, all this attention. It's a lot to get used to, it's like you've been thrown right in the deep end, for this, I am sorry, we all are. It's going to get really crowded, you can hear the cheers getting louder, make sure you're holding onto one of us, okay?" I was caught off guard, I didn't want this. I hated crowds, I'm claustrophobic. It all went so fast, were we walking fast or...? I quickly grabbed onto Jin's shirt and he grabbed onto my backpack so he could just navigate me even if he couldn't see me. We were walking at a hurried pace. Fans screaming echoed throughout the entire airport, camera's flashing, things being thrown out, security trying to hold everyone back, they seemed to notice me, a small girl in the middle of the boys, someone yelled something, clearly directed at me, another then used an english word, "slut!".  Wow. They don't even know me. That hurt but I brushed it off. I was clutching onto Jin's shirt tightly. We got through all the passport checks, made it outside where there were even more fans. The air in Seoul was very clean I have to admit. But other than that, I didn't take much in, my head was down, I wish I had a hat or something to cover my eyes, the flashes were too much. There was still a bit of a walk to our car. Jin looked down at me and must have seen my head down, my eyes were squinted, trying to fight away the looks, the words thrown out. He patted my head then adjusted his Balenciaga cap onto my head and quickly put his hand back on my backpack so he didn't lose sight of me. I didn't need to push the hat further down to cover my eyes as it was already big on me. We saw the car, security opening the door for us, the boys stood aside, making sure I went in first, then they followed behind. Once we were all in, I let out a sigh of relief and let my head rest on the back of my seat, my eyes were closed, fighting the tears, I gulped to get rid of that knot in my throat. I had to get used to this if I was going to be their sister, but I wasn't expecting this on my first day. I had a mix of emotions just rushing throughout my body. I knew the members were staring at me, probably contemplating whether it's okay to ask how I am. But they stayed quiet. And I'm thankful they did, because I can't speak. Not with this burning desire to cry. 

The car ride to their house was silent. I remained in the exact same position as I was when I got into the car. My eyes closed the entire way with Jin's hat still on my head. I was drifting in and out of sleep. I felt a light tap on my thigh then a soft voice followed, "Y/N, we're here", I opened my eyes and turned to my right to look at him, Jimin, his eyebrows furrowed, his hair covering some of his eye sight. I smiled, my eyes were burning however, from jet lag and from internally crying. It's a skill ;). He let out his hand and I took it, and we got out the car. I looked up to the big apartment. This is going to be my new home. I was admiring the scenery, the views, when Namjoon leant down with a hand on my shoulder, "You ready kid?" he half smiled. I looked at him and took his hand, and off we went. 



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