Kaysia

1

Kaysia ^^
insta : Callherlay

It was currently 12 minutes past 9 on a Monday morning. I was sat staring blankly ahead at my lecturer who had gone off on a tangent about why he despises Jeremy Corbyn but loves the parties policies and has been a member for the past 30 years. He apparently was stuck between and rock and a hard place and we all had to hear about it because one silly student asked about his views on Brexit.

I sighed before leaning back and resting my head on Jay's shoulder, who was sat next to me. He eyed me for a second but didn't say anything and left me to scroll through my instagram timeline in peace. Jay was someone I met on my first day at uni, obviously because we are on the same course but we have grown so close since then that I considered him like a brother to me. I have to admit though, I did like him at first but he was just interested in being a whore. It was a new girl every week and although we did kind of flirt, I had zero interest in becoming one of them girls. It was then that I decided we would be a lot better as friends and I haven't really looked back since.

The irritating voice that belonged to my lecturer is what brought me out of my thoughts. Apparently, after 20 minutes - he was now ready to teach. However, it was a little too late and I was uninterested in anything he had to say. It was just one of those days and right now, i'd rather be anywhere but here. I took my head off Jay's shoulder who was actually paying attention and doing his work and went to resting my head on my arm. The remaining 40 minutes of the lecture went by so slowly. I couldn't wait to get out of here and jump back into bed.

I strolled lazily out of the lecture hall, not even trying to match Jay's pace. He kept telling me to hurry up but I physically could not make myself move any faster. I felt drained and I knew no amount of sleep would fix it. I was tired physically and emotionally so it's been hard for me to focus on even the simplest of tasks lately and its stressing me out.

Me: "Javelle, can you slow down!" I shouted at him. He looked back at me with a straight face before kissing his teeth. He hated when I called him 'Javelle'.

Jay: "Carry on". He said lowly as he turned back around and continued towards my flat. Even he seemed moody today but I couldn't tell if that was because he was genuinely in a bad mood or if my mood was rubbing off on him. Eventually, I caught up to him and linked my arm with his, much to his despise - but he was comfortable, so I could care less if he didn't like it.

Jay: "Why do you look so miserable?" He asked.

Me: "I don't even know, I just feel so irritated. Uni is irritating me, Dontè is irritating me and my parents are irritating me". I explained causing him to roll his eyes.

Jay: "Fuck Dontè. I told you to leave him alone long time ago but you don't listen so you must feel. We ain't talking about him anymore so what happened with Carla and what's his name now?" He asked referring to my Mum and Dad.

Me: "Daryl". I said reminding him and ignoring his comment about Dontè. Dontè wasn't my boyfriend but we were seeing each other. I did like him but I had my doubts about him which is why I keep putting off us being together. He keeps saying he wants us to be together but something in me just screams that he is not ready to settle down.

Jay: "Yeah, Daryl".

Me: "Same old really, Dad's not interested and Mum's too busy for me as usual". I said shrugging my shoulders. "I honestly don't know how their marriage has survived - or maybe they are just hostile towards me".

Jay: "It'll get better". He reassured me.

Me: "I don't know, Jay".

Jay: "Well, it can't get any worse". He stated truthfully. It really couldn't. My relationship with my parents was virtually non-existent. I used to crave a relationship with them especially my mother, but I think I have accepted the fact that it wasn't going to happen. I've always tried to make them proud but to no avail. I have always been a disappointment to them and i'm sick and tired of living my to prove myself to my parents.