A Hundred and fifty Days

Freshman Feels Part 4

'I left them first. I didn't even say goodbye to one of them at least. I left them without a trace, but how I yearned to see the old faces, recall the memories, and thoughts to keep.' - Quoted from my 2001 journal.

The day I left, a carousel of images, funny awkward scenes, and teenage innocence memes had a flashback in my head. I recounted day one when I saw them first. Before a hundred and fifty days had felt so lonely and strange, away from my longtime friends. Truly, I felt like I was taken back to Freshman when I introduced myself to 4- Love students at the O'Donnell Resettlement High School in November 2004.

~~

"My name is Cecille Zamora Velasco, turning thirteen on August 23, 2001. I live in Sto. Domingo, Bula, Camarines Sur. I spent the last six years in Sto. Domingo Elementary School where I graduated as the class valedictorian. I love reading and writing poems, essays, and short stories, but painting is one of my hidden talents. Honestly, I would like to become a pilot someday, but to be a writer is closer to reality". I remember how I introduced myself to my new classmates. I'm pretty sure there were few grammar lapses, but the thought is almost the same. This is how I officially welcome my new classmates, telling them a bit of who I am, what I do, and what I wanted to become.

The first time I met my classmates in 1-SMOC ( Science and Math Oriented Class), it felt a bit intimidating. Most of them graduated with the highest honors, special awards, and academic excellence awards. Rather than being proud, I felt humbled. I introduced myself second to the last, but I had felt abashed to mention about my achievement in grade school. I didn't think it was necessary to do so. Our English teacher had provided an introductory format that everyone should follow. I remember some of my classmates being corrected about the erroneous way of saying 'I was graduated...'. When it was my turn, I make it a point that I said it correctly.

In high school, I belong to the section that is also known as the 'cream of the crop'. Our section was an exclusive curriculum with a specialization in Science and Mathematics Subjects. Thus, it used to be called SMOC or Science and Math Oriented Class. We had extra subjects in Science and Math such as Natural Biology, Applied Chemistry, Advanced Biology, Trigonometry, and Calculus. Honestly, I used to think it wasn't cool at all. Having extra Math subjects? I had thought it was awful, but I needed to cope up with the class.

Aside from telling my classmates that I graduated with the highest honors in grade school, it was all I did. I never put myself into so much pressure to be included at the top ten. I was able to maintain the required average grade in order to stay in the class. For me, I had enough because I competed with my childhood friend and closest competitor, Shirlyn for six years in primary school. She was the most competitive and talented friend, I had before reaching teenage. Guess what, we're still classmates in high school. Between the two of us, it was she who excel in the class, being one of the top ten.

I kept my silence in academics for the first couple of years in high school. Until I was recognized in the third year as someone who used to be called 'savior of the ship' by my English teacher, Mrs. Jane Sanao. I started as a contributor and, later on, became the Literary editor in Senior year. I had a few winning contests in essay writing (both English and Filipino language), extemporaneous speech, Microsoft Powerpoint application, and graphic designs with my talented partner, Abner who represent the school in Web page designs competition. My friend, Laarni who's very talented in drawing, also competed using MS Paint.

When I was a freshman, I struggled with a lack of courage and self-confidence. I'm sure most freshman students would share the same sentiment, but others may have found high school environment a perfect place to fit in. I didn't fit in right away. It felt like 'I'm a fish out of water'. I was out of my comfort zone during the first and second year. I didn't think I'm competitive enough to showcase my talent and probably excel. It was my fear of getting it wrong. I was so shy to even try to speak up. Intramurals, school activities, academic contests were such a big 'NO' for me. I didn't volunteer, nor did I show some edge or interest. Somehow I was hoping to be recognized though. And the problem is, I did not show off.

~~

Maybe, I fell asleep during the first and second year in High School. However, Ma'am Jane's letter had woke me up in the Third year. I was involved in various writing contests and on stage extemporaneous speech in English, which I won first place in the Senior year.

When I introduced myself to the 4-LOVE students in O' Donnell Resettlement High School (Now Cristorey High School) it was a totally strange feeling. I felt like I intimidated some of them when I first introduced myself this way,

" Hi, I'm Cecille Zamora Velasco, 16 years old. I came from Pili National High School (Camarines Sur). I was a CAT corps staff officer and a Literary editor at The Rainbow publication (Campus Journalism). I prefer to drink black coffee rather than adding a creamer. I can write and deliver a good speech, but its effectivity depends on how you perceive and listen to me."

I know that a hundred and fifty days has started already, so I need to keep myself busy. One of the things I did as a transferee is the 'hosting initiation'. Mr. Victor Sicat, our Physics teacher and adviser assigned me a task. Edward, a transferee like me, was my co-host in a Science Champ (Camp) that was held at the campus in December 2004. Somehow, I was able to prove my new classmates, I am up for a challenge. They were such a competitive batch and a bunch of talented minds, as well. Even now, it's a pride to be one of the 4- Love students of batch 2005.

More than acquaintances, I found a new set of friends in the class. Jonel (my second cousin), with his amazing league Robert, Albert, Jessa, and I worked out such a nice friendship in a span of five months. Without them, I might have graduated as a stranger. There were other girlfriends whom I found a cheerful company during long walks going home. Shane, Hazel, Rhea, and my first cousin Rogelle were very kind and accommodating. I felt like the new place welcomed me with warmth acceptance. However, I still feel back then, the loneliness and chill while counting each day in a hundred and fifty days.

I counted each day as an achievement. I wrote each happening with the thoughts of him, wondering about his reaction when I finally told him these 'hundred and fifty days moments'. Unsent letters were written, but the sound of his voice made me feel better. The use of a mobile phone was costly, but we didn't mind the regular charges on SMS and random calls.

"Hi, good morning! How are you?" he used to greet me with cheers and excitement. We talked about things we didn't really care if we're just together. Distance made every detail of memories count like it's precious. In reality, we probably just missed each other.

What I didn't understand was us saying 'Yo te Quiero' to each other'. It was a very telling 'words' we said over and over again on the phone. Somewhere out there, I felt the sincerity of that Spanish translation of 'I love you'. The question is, 'did it really mean something before? Or, a hundred and fifty days longing and distance made it easier to say?