Offenderman [ᏟᎾᎷᏢᎬᎢᎬ]

Chapter Eight

It was a man, dressed in regular street clothes, who asked me to tell him everything I knew about the Slenderman. I quit the ruse, and explained everything, including how I was faking my own insanity to the man. For the first time, I had someone actually believe me, that's an incredible feeling. Moreover he told me that I was going to be out of there as soon as possible.

The next day, under the ruse of being transferred to a new asylum, I had my death faked, and instead I became a part of a secret agency started by the German's in world war two to learn everything we can about the slenders and deal with your kind however we can. Mostly it just means manipulating the media enough so that people are aware of slenders, but still question their existence. We've pretty much given up on accomplishing anything else "

She looks up at sexual ofenderman, who was still leaning over the table and looking up at her, but now HE looked dumbstruck.

"You're... KIDDING ME! You actually got away? But you don't seem marked."

"Great to know those fifty or so chemical baths I took paid off." She says feebly, her eyes glassy and unfocused. She looks exhausted, like telling the story had taken a lot out of her.

He shifts his head to one hand, the other resting on the table, as he looked at her for a moment, as if he was searching for the right words to say in this sort of situation. He eventually settles on

"You reeeeeeally need to get laid."

"Is it too much to ask that we keep things professional?" she thinks aloud as she rubs her eyes in frustration and to wipe away the tears that had threatened to accumulate

"Come on gorgeous, there's no need to act all professional around me." His voice sounding less cocksure and more empathetic now, like he was trying to comfort her.

"Encouraging you is the last thing I want to do." Her tone hard and laced with hate.

"Hey, I'm gonna be one horny mother fucker no matter what you do. The question is, how much fun are you willing to have with it?" his attitude coming back as fast as it had left.

"Let's just get on with the interview."

"I'm all yours tonight babes, ask away." He says while leaning back into his seat.

She thinks for a moment, figuring it would be best if she tried to verify some of the agency's information on the creature first, starting with "What's your name?"

"Sexual-Offenderman." He says without hesitation, and with a hint of pride.

"Do you have any other names?"

"How about sexy fuck-beast?"

"So it's just Sexual-Offenderman then." She says while writing down in the small notebook on the table.

"Well hold on, I never said that."

She looks up at him, pausing in her note taking for a moment as he continued

"You can call me Smexy if you want."

"Smexy?"

"You know, cause of all the smex. It's a nickname some girl I know came up with that I'm starting to like. I mean, it's not like my name really rolls off the tongue that well does it?"

She jots down something and asks

"Is there anything you want besides sex?"

"Does it count if it has to do with sex?"

"I suppose not."

"Hmmmmm..." he strokes his chin thoughtfully, then suddenly raises his hand as if he were about to say something, then decides against it with a "No, that's no fun unless you do it naked. Hmmmmm..." with a snap of his fingers and sudden realization he answers "I want a theme song."