A Year Around the Sun

t h i r t y-s e v e n - did you like it?

i can feel your touch,
promise you won't let g o . . .

🌊🌊🌊

Brody was sitting on my couch. I couldn't even remember the last time he was in my house, for that matter. There was enough space between us on the couch to squeeze at least two more people in. All I wanted to do was reach out to him, but somehow I restrained the urge to do so.

He was sipping from one of my glasses. I offered him something after I unlocked the door and let us both inside, and he said he'd take a water. So I filled a glass for him and brought it over to where he was comfortably seated on one end of the couch. At first, I thought about going over to the recliner. Then I scratched that idea and sat with him, figuring that wouldn't be too weird.

The TV hanging on the wall in front of us stayed off. My parents still weren't home and probably wouldn't be home for at least another hour or so. I heard the clicking sound notifying me that the heater had turned on, which meant it was really quiet in my house.

"I'm not really sure how to start this conversation," Brody chuckled lowly, and I silently thanked him for being the first to speak up.

"Yeah, it's definitely... awkward, to say the least," I laughed a little too. I crossed my legs and leaned back into the cushions, keeping my eyes on the coffee table.

He cleared his throat and took another sip from his water, then placed the glass down on the table. "Um, well, how have you been?" He asked.

I just sighed. How am I? Truly, how have I been doing?

"Okay," I mumbled with a halfhearted shrug. "I've finally gotten to that point where I'm kind of pushing myself to be okay, you know?"

"Mhm," he hummed. "I get it."

I could feel his eyes on me, but there's no way in hell I can look back at him. Not yet. Not until I can promise myself that I won't break in front of him.

"How about you, though? How's life?" I switched the topic to be about him instead, knowing that would help keep my strength. My head turned to look at him, but my stare didn't go any farther than my lap.

"Alright, kinda busy. I'm tired all the time. But I'm getting by, so I guess that's a good thing," he said, his voice aloof. It sounded like there was more to it than that, but I didn't force him to go on. I simply nodded and moved onto something else.

"How's all the traveling? Are you home for the holidays?" The questions came out a little strained, hesitant because I wasn't sure if I really wanted to know the answer.

When Brody just replied with a bleak "yeah", I nodded again with pursed lips. Maybe I should keep the conversation about me then.

"All my friends are home from school too, for winter break, so it's nice to have them back. I don't get to see them too often since they're all in college now," I rambled on, noticing Brody keep his eyes on me although I didn't dare go for eye contact. "It's hard... I don't like being alone all the time. I'm still at the diner because I don't know what to do with my life. It kinda feels like everyone around me is moving on, and I'm just stuck. And of course, everything that happened with us still weighs down on me, so..."

A voice in my head that told me to stop talking or else got to me in time before I made a fool of myself. My sentence disintegrated into the air, lips still parted as if there was something else I wanted to say. Nothing came out.

"It hasn't been easy for me either," Brody rasped.

Whether he meant it because his friends were in college too and he wasn't, or he was talking about dealing with our break up, I felt a rush of relief at the confession. To hear him say that was the key that opened up my floodgates again.