Only Your Arms (Harry Styles Fan fiction)

Chapter 34

Maddie passed away two weeks into my tour. 

I was in Nashville, recovering from a show I had the night before and preparing for a show I would have that night when I got the call. She had passed away early in the morning. According to her mom, she died fast- peacefully. Well, as peacefully as a little girl struggling with cancer could die. And one more thing that killed me- she clung onto the teddy bear as she took her last breath. 

I cried more than I cried in a long while that afternoon. Nothing could help me get through the feeling I felt. I tried playing guitar, or dancing, or rehearsing, or even taking a long walk. Nothing helped. I felt a weight on my shoulder and it weighed me down until my entire body laid on the ground. Those around me tried talking to me, but I couldn't listen to the words being said around me. I was deaf to anything and everything surrounding me. 

You could prepare for something dramatic to happening for years, but when it does come, you're never quite prepared for it. You could literally go decades thinking you'll be ready for something to happen, but when the day actually comes, you go into shock. It's almost as if all those years of training go to waste. You're left alone and stunned, unable to think or breathe for yourself. When that certain thing happens, it hits you- hard- and it knocks you down, leaving you with no help to get you back up. 

That's how I felt when Maddie died. And I knew that I had only known her for a few months and that she wasn't a relative to me, but it hurt just as much as losing a relative or a friend I had known my entire life. 

Time flew by and before I knew it, I was preparing to go on stage in front of over 30,000 people. I felt the sudden urge to run away from everything and everyone. I wanted nothing more than to lock myself in a room with just my guitar and myself. But, I couldn't do that. I had my fans, who I loved, and I had a show to put on. See, that was the hard part about doing what I did. If I was having a bad day, I couldn't run away from it. Instead, I would have to face it. 

Well, that's what I did. I faced it. I took advantage of it. I went out onto that stage, broken, yet strong at the same time, and I played my heart out. I played better than I've ever played and I cried. I cried in front of my fans and they cried with me and it was beautiful. I walked off stage that night knowing that I just played one of the best shows of my career. It was moments like those when I realized that I didn't need happiness or energy to play an amazing show. All I needed was motivation and passion. 

In my tour bus that night, I cuddled onto a couch with my blanket and a cup of tea. My legs were tucked underneath me and I indulged myself into the first book I found in my suitcase before Melanie interrupted my daydream. 

"Hi baby," she said. I closed my book and turned to her, my cup of tea in between the both of my hands. 

"Hi love," I answered. She smiled at me, replicating my actions by tucking her legs underneath her. 

"Are you feeling better. You played hard during that show," she said and I nodded.

"I did," I answered. I went on: "I am feeling better. I just can't believe she's gone." Just then, Josh joined us, sitting on the floor directly in between Melanie and I. Melanie extended her legs onto him and he rubbed them. Just then, I realized how much I missed Harry. 

"Tell us a little about her," Melanie suggested and I smiled at the thought of the stunning girl and the remarkable memories that came with the thought of her face. 

"She was the sweetest thing ever. Her smile was the greatest thing ever... Man, I wish you guys could've seen it. She was the one in the hospital bed and yet, she always had a bigger smile on her face than I had on mine." I paused as I felt the tears coming back up with every word I spoke. "God, it's so unfair that someone as innocent as her could die."