I Can Imagine {GxG}

Chapter 5

*Ren's POV*

*TRIGGER WARNING~ Contains mentions & attempts of suicide*

The air was cold against our skin. It ran in from the open door on our right, but we only stare out at the mirror. Our blonde hair and bloodshot dark brown eyes stared back. We wore a simple white sleeping gown with yellow and orange flowers sewn on the bottom of the dress. Our body and mind was numb. No anger or joy... the only emotion we could even remotely feel was disappointment in ourself. It was suffocating. Nobody else was with us. We, were alone. Thunder boomed ahead and was followed by hushed voices from the rooms around us. Our brother Caz, was nowhere to be found. He hadn't spoken to us since the incident with the new girl at school. We had wanted to say goodbye one last time, but it seemed that, that wasn't going to happen. We settled on writing our note, our curt explanation of our future action which would indeed benefit the world in the long road.

Our hands shook while tear began flowing down our face and hitting the notebook we tried so hard to hold. Adrenaline started pounding against our veins while we tried to write.

"Dear whoever finds this,

I'm sorry to burden you with these words. I know there aren't something that anyone wants to wake up to. As you probably guess this is a suicide note. Quite blunt maybe, but it needs to be written. Caz, I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye. I had full intent to, but I couldn't find you, and even if I did I'm sure you wouldn't want to see me. Ever since Dad died and Mum started leaving for work, this has been a recurring thought. An overall idea that wouldn't leave. I- am just not good enough. Everything I do is wrong. Mom's disappointed in me, I can see it in her eyes and hear it in her voice. I didn't join a sport, I haven't found my mate, hell I was with Auggie, which you and I both know disappointed her. My mate won't love me. I don't love me... so why bother? You shouldn't worry about a funeral Caz, I've saved up enough money to cover it. All of my bases are covered so you have nothing to worry about. Please just go on living your life happy, you'll be better off without me."

By now, our writing had gotten so sloppy that the 'e' resembled more of a y than anything. Which as a funny thing. Y. Why did we decide this was the only way out? Our brother will move on eventually, and with Auggie... it's better this way. He should be with his mate, he deserves him. I've seen how he's treated Max and it's just not okay. It's er... it's not okay to us. Then again we never seem to get anything right so I could be wrong. Either way my meddling in the world is over. Our shaking and subsided only slightly as we tear the paper from the notebook. We clutch it hard against our chest and slip on our old rugged slippers. That way our feet weren't on the cold floor anymore.

The disappointment will end... We start towards the door. Out onto the balcony. Out looking the lights of the building ahead. The moon was hidden completely by the raining clouds. The pellets of rain hurt our bare skin, making it sting before the cool wetness soothed it. Dad would be so disappointed. Mom and Caz will be disappointed. In our cowardness... hell we're disappointed... but it will end. It all will end. We climb up the stone edging... our slippers scraping against the rough surface as we sit down. Tears had quickened in there falling, like what we'll be doing in just a moment. We look up once more at the sky, the rain making us squint. Thunder booms. Our breath is ragged as we suck in one last gulp. Time to end the disappointment... with one big one. We softly push against the stone, feeling it leave our body and wind hit us as we fall.

Down.

DOWN.

It's loud....

As we fall- Down

Down