「my boy」 | Johnnyboy

(Keep Me) Closer.

( Ponyboy's POV )

After Johnny fell asleep, I somehow managed to get us both on my bed. I wasn't very strong, so I kind of just dragged him up there. It was a wonder he hadn't woken up yet. I had my favorite comforter wrapped around us, my arm draped around his small frame. He was pulled to my chest while I just sat up and watched him for a while. It would've been creepy, had he been awake. I kept expecting him to open his eyes and tell me to stop looking at him, but I guess he was so emotionally worn down that he was just too exhausted.

I brought my hand up to brush some of his curls out of his eyes. His hair was usually straight. This was the only time I'd ever seen it messy and unfixed in person. Over texts, he'd sent me two pictures of him with his hair curly, but each time I asked him to let me see it in person, he refused and said it was gross. Looking down at him now, I begged to differ. Nothing about this boy was gross, and it was only then that my heart ached because I knew I'd never be able to make him see himself the way I saw him.

That was okay, though. If I couldn't make him see how perfect he was, then maybe it'd be enough just to remind him of how I saw him. I felt like maybe we could really have a serious talk whenever he woke up. I wouldn't be going back to sleep any time soon. My own thoughts were starting to get the best of me, and right now, I was so thankful that he showed up. I wish I could save him from himself the way he saves me from myself.

Suddenly, his brown eyes were staring up at me, blinking expectantly. I snapped out of my thoughts, dropping my hand to rest on his shoulder. He lifted one of his hands, rubbing at his eyes and slowly sitting up. I sat up with him, my hands going into my lap. "What time is it?" He whispered quietly, now wiping the sleep from his other eye. I reached over for my phone, glancing at the clock on it.

"It's a little after one." I said, putting my phone back down and looking at him again. "We can stay home from school today."

"Your mom and Darry will never allow that." He laughed, shaking his head. "It's okay, we can go."

"Darry has work at 5, Mom leaves at 7, and thaaat means Sodapop is in charge."

"You're sure you don't mind?" His words were slow, almost hesitant. I nodded, reaching up to touch his cheek.

"I want to take care of you today... School can wait."

"But you need school..."

"Johnny." I huffed softly, giving him a stern look. "One day won't make a difference." We stared at one another for a long time before he nodded, glancing down at our laps.

"Okay..."

"Come here..." I whispered, stretching my arms out for him. He leaned into me awkwardly for a moment before frowning, pulling away. Slowly, he climbed into my lap entirely. Despite how he was older, he was shorter. I smiled widely to myself at the closeness, my arms wrapping around him like a blanket. He laid his head against my shoulder and I moved my face down so I could bury it into his neck, my eyes closing as I silently breathed him in.

He pressed the softest kiss to my shoulder. It was so gentle, I almost didn't feel it, but somehow it still sent shivers through me. In return, I pressed one against the middle of his neck, smiling as he visibly shivered.

This was all new to me. I always told everyone I'd never had a boyfriend before, and that was mostly true. But there had been a guy once. We hadn't always lived here, and before we moved, I'd been in a sort of secret relationship with an older guy. It hadn't been a good one, which was probably the reason I could never bring myself to speak about it. It was why I tried to never let anyone speak harshly to me, but also why I was able to look over a harsh attitude so easily. Being with Johnny felt... different. It felt real.

Hell, I know I'm too young to know what love is. At least, that's what my dad would've said. But I knew my heart swelled with an abundance of emotions every time I saw him. I knew I got butterflies every time he smiled or laughed. I knew my whole chest - no, my whole body - filled with warmth, internal and external, every time he said my name. I knew I wanted to wake up to him every day, and I knew it killed me every time we disagreed, or didn't speak, or got angry at one another. I knew it felt like I was missing a piece of me every time he wasn't by my side. I knew I wanted to write so many poems about him, but that no words were even beautiful or descriptive enough to express how I feel about him. I knew a lot of things about how I felt about him, but I didn't want to tell him any of them. Or, more so, I couldn't.

I can't let this turn into something bigger, because if he leaves me in the end, I won't make it out alive.

"Ponyboy?" He said my name so softly, and even without looking at him I knew he was smiling. "You're doing it again."

"Doing what?" I looked at him, snapping out of my thoughts.

"Getting lost in your own little world." He reached up with his finger, tracing it over my cheek and then poking my nose. "It's cute, but I'd like my boyfriend to talk to me." He leaned forward, kissing the corner of my lips before moving to look at me again.

"I'm sorry..." I blushed shyly, glancing down.

"It's okay... What's going on in your head?"

"I was just thinking about you." I answered honestly, and I swear his face looked terrified for a moment before he quickly wiped the look away.

"O-oh?" His voice cracked a tiny bit. "Um... What... What about me?"

"Relax, it isn't anything bad..." I moved to kiss him, and he slowly relaxed into it, his arms wrapping around my neck as he kissed back. "I never think badly of you." I whispered against his lips, my eyes still closed as I touched my forehead to his.

"I hope not..." I could feel his eyes on me, but I didn't open mine yet. I wanted to soak him in. I wanted this to last.

"Please don't hurt me..." I finally opened my eyes to look at him, my heart racing in fear. He shook his head as he met my eyes.

"That's the last thing I'd ever want to do."