「my boy」 | Johnnyboy

People.

( Ponyboy's POV. )

I'd been trying to get ahold of Caroline since everything went down, but to no avail. I was starting to think she'd shut her phone off midway through my written panic, because my messages had been delivering earlier and now they suddenly weren't. Maybe it was just the service in this god-awful place. I felt so scared here, like I was being held underwater and I knew I was down to my last second of consciousness. I wanted out as soon as possible, but I couldn't leave Mom like that.

Darry had been keeping himself together almost perfectly. If you didn't look really close, you couldn't even tell that he was in distress. Sodapop hadn't slept all night, but he was presently downing Redbulls like his life depended on it. He kept trying to crack jokes and be positive, but it didn't work so well when he could barely sit still. His hands were shaking more than mine, and that was saying a lot. I tried to convince him to get a little shuteye — even promised that I'd wake him up myself if anything changed with Mom's condition — but he refused each and every time. Still, though, I was trying.

"It'll probably make things easier..." I tried alas, desperate to get him to sleep. My voice was hoarse and stuffy from crying so much, but one thing my cry baby ways did help was sleep. I'd been dozing on and off since we got here, all unintentional. I wished I was strong enough to stay up like Sodapop was, but my body just couldn't take it. It was already almost sunrise, and they still couldn't get her levels to a safe place.

"I still see it, Pony..." His words were quiet, just loud enough for me to hear. I didn't really understand at first, and then he turned to meet my gaze. "She didn't just overdose..." My stomach churned at the words.

"What do you mean?"

"She had blood everywhere... I couldn't even tell where it was coming from..." He took another large gulp of his energy drink, shaking his head quickly as his eyes fell to his lap. "So, no... I can't just sleep and forget about it." He stood up, letting go of my hand and tossing his empty can in the trash. "I'm gonna take a walk." He flashed a quivery smile. "Try not to go too crazy without me." And then he was gone. Part of me wanted to go with him to make sure he was okay, but the other part of me just wanted to wake up from this dreadful nightmare. I stood from my chair, making my way over to Johnny. He was scrolling through his phone, but when he saw me coming close, he tossed it in his pocket and quickly extended his arms out for me. He'd been so patient and supportive about all of this, and I honestly didn't know how to thank him.

"I'm sorry for taking so long..." I mumbled, falling into his lap. One of his arms looped around me while the other rose so he could brush some of my hair out of my eyes.

"Don't worry about it." He gave me a soft squeeze, his other arm finally wrapping around me. I melted into his touch, trying not to start crying all over again. My head was already pounding for how much I'd already done that. I'd mostly been sitting with Sodapop trying to talk him into sleeping, but now that I knew why he wouldn't, I wouldn't be bothering him about it any more. I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, laying my head against Johnny's shoulder. He rested his chin on top of my head, a little hushing sound leaving him. We stayed quiet for a while, but it was a comfortable kind of quiet, one that made me feel a little less alone in this whole thing, as odd as that was.

Of course I knew I wasn't alone in anything, but it sure did feel like it sometimes, especially now.

My mind kept replaying what Soda had said. If things had been that serious, wouldn't she leave a note? She couldn't just leave us like that. Anger swelled up in my stomach and launched to my chest. Had she really just planned on going like that? I was caught so deep in thought that I didn't realize Darry was shaking my shoulder until Johnny's voice finally cut into my mind. They were both saying my name, but I'd only just now snapped out of it enough to hear them. I shifted around, looking up at my older brother. For once, Darry had tears in his eyes. It was clear that he was fighting them back, but it was also clear that they were there.

"What, what's going on?"

"She's gone, Pony... Just—just like dad." His words caused my stomach to drop. Without warning, I got to my feet, shaking my head as I tried to walk toward the room they'd had her in. I made it to the hall before I saw them wheeling her body out. My heartbeat picked up and hot, salty fresh tears ran down my cheeks. I gritted my teeth, overwhelmed with anger first.

"Good!" I shouted at the top of my lungs. "Good! I'm glad she's gone!" Darry gave me a look, stepping forward and trying to put his hands on my shoulders. I shoved him away with a loud cry, swiping at my cheeks with the back of my hand. "She didn't do anything for us! No note! No goodbye! She didn't care! She just left! After everything, she fucking left!" He stepped forward again, and out of frustration at our mother, I pounded my fists into his chest. "I needed her!" He didn't even stumble at my hits, completely unphased by them. "I needed her..." I repeated it much quieter now, falling against him as more uncontrollable sobs left me. Everyone was looking, I was sure. I was making a terrible scene, but I didn't care at this point. Darry wrapped his arms around me, bringing me into a strong hug.

"I know..." He mumbled, one hand resting in my hair to try to smoothen it down. "I know..." his voice cracked that time, one arm moving to extend for Sodapop to join our cry fest. She was gone, and she wasn't coming back. What the hell was I supposed to do with that realization?

AUTHOR'S NOTE:
This was probably sad and I'm not even gonna proofread before publishing, yikes. I'm not so great with writing emotions like this, so maybe it sucked, maybe it rocked. I'll never know because I'm probably not going to reread :,) Next chapter will have more Johnny, though, I promise.