Even lovers drown (Jerrie)

Part twenty-two

Perrie:

I awoke the next morning to birdsong and a brightly lit sitting room. I still had my letter to Jade clutched in my hands, standing I made my way to the writing desk that stood infront of the window. Grabbing an envelope, I placed the letter inside, writing a number 'one' in the top hand corner and placing the letter into an old shoe box that I found on the floor.

I glanced out the window. Although it was early a few people walked by, probably on their way to work. Funny, I thought to myself, the world keeps on moving even though for me it feels like the center has fallen out. I wiped a stray tear from my face, I had to be strong today. Little mix ment everything to me, I couldn't be the one to destroy it.

Trying not to think about the day ahead I returned to my bedroom where Jesy was still sprawled out asleep on the bed. I smiled at the sight of her, my first smile in days, I was lucky to have her. She was more than I deserved.

Sighing I walked into the bathroom, turning on the shower and letting the cool water crash over me. When I couldn't handle the cold any longer I got out and wrapped myself in a towel, I could faintly hear movement in my room, meaning that Jesy was up. I knew Jess was going to want to talk about Jade but it wasn't like I could avoid her. Resigned to my fate, I stepped into my room.

"Morning"

Jesy turned around, her face looked concerned.

"Pez, what the fuck, your lips are blue" she reached out to touch my arm "your bloody freezing"

I shrugged her arm off, walking over to my wardrobe to get some clothes out.

"You were just in the shower how-" she stopped "Perrie, why were you having a cold shower?"

"No hot water" I mumbled. I wasn't about to tell Jesy that I couldn't bring myself to believe I deserved to have anything but ice cold water wash over me.

I pulled out a pair of skinny jeans and a black long sleeved crop top, turning around I walked back into the bathroom and got changed. I couldn't risk Jesy seeing my scars.

When I came back out Jesy had her hair done and was applying makeup. She glanced up at me as I walked out.

"Why won't you get changed in front of me?"

Trust Jesy not to beat around the bush.

"I have my period" I lied.

I avoid her eyes and busied myself with applying some light makeup and drying my hair. I tried not to focus on how my jeans kept slipping, obviously I had lost more weight than I had realized.

"The car will be here soon"

Jesy appeared beside me, handing me a belt with a pointed look. I took it and flashed her a small smile.

"I know you don't want to talk about it but I need to know something before we go to this interview"

I nodded, knowing that she wouldn't leave it alone.

"Does she know?" She asked "Does jade know your in love with her"

I nodded again, digging my nails into the palm of my hand to stop myself from crying.

"She doesn't feel the same"

I dug my nails deeper.

"It's fine" I cleared my throat "I'll get over it"

The lie reverberated around my heart.

- - -

Thankfully Jesy and I were the only two in the car. Leigh-Anne was being brought by Andre and Jade was meeting us there. I kept my eyes closed throughout the journey, trying to avoid Jesy asking any more questions.