The Syrum Of Truth

The World Without You

   Dean places the plates into the sink and quickly cleans them with ease. It had been six months today since he last saw Sam, Castiel and Gabriel. However, he occasionally talked to Gabriel using his thoughts which Gabriel had kept a secret, for Dean's sake and his own sake.
   "Dean, it's time to go home." Dean turns to Billy, a sigh escaping his lips. "Yes, you can bring her with you." She carried on, answering the question he had desperately wanted the answer to.
   Dean nods, "take us away then."
   A few weeks ago Dean had stumbled upon a little girl at the age of six. She was starving on the streets and near death, Billy had made this one exception that Dean could help the girl and in the end she even let her stay with him. Only if the girl had agreed to it though, which she had.
   Dean holds onto the railing as he appears at the top of the stairs leading down to the main room where Castiel, Sam and Gabriel are sat, talking about who knows what.
   They don't seem to notice him at first until Gabriel finally looks up at him, his eyes lighting up which grabs the attention of Sam and then Castiel. Dean reaches his hand out and the girl takes it. Her name is Vivian, her given name by her parents before they died and left her alone to rot away slowly.
   Dean lets her pull him down the stairs, his throat becomes knotted and his hands begin to sweat. He hasn't seen these people for six months, how were they to react to the sight of him?
   Vivian lowers her hand and moves away from Dean, letting Sam embrace his brother tightly. Dean slowly wraps his arms around Sam and hugs him back, "Sam, I am... so sorry." Dean's voice cracks when he speaks, newly formed tears ready to rush down his cheek but he forces them back.
   Sam pulls away, slapping Dean. "Where were you?"
   Dean nods, this is the response he had waited for, not a hug. "I made a deal with Billy. If she brought you back to life she would protect everyone I cared about if I walked the Earth alone. If any of you followed me she would have killed you and it was a blood pact, I couldn't--"
   Sam wraps him into another big hug before glancing at Vivian. "Dean, who is this?"
   Dean smiles slightly at Vivian, "this is Vivian. Billy made her an exception because of her conditions and age. Vivian, this is--"
   "Sam." She says proudly. She glances back at Castiel and Gabriel, "Gabriel is the one with long hair and Castiel is the one with bright blue eyes." She shyly grins at this.
   Sam returns her smile, "sorry about the whole having to watch me punch Dean. He's not on my best terms right now, as you can tell." He says, kneeling to talk to the young girl.
   Dean's green, hopeful eyes meet Castiel's bright blue, hopeless eyes. "Cass..." he makes his way towards the Angel, "what I said before I left--"
   Castiel shrugs, "it doesn't seem to matter now, does it? Let me guess, you had intercourse with many women?"
   Dean stops abruptly, staring at the Angel he had once come to love. He stands a bit away from Castiel now, his eyes starting to fill with tears and when Castiel notices this, he realises it's too late to take back what he had said. "I never ever slept with anyone while I was away from all of you. Everytime I had a slight interaction with someone, even someone I just wanted to be friends with, they would mysteriously die within the next 24 hours. I was completely alone until a few weeks ago when I stumbled upon Vivian, she was starving on the streets and because of this Billy let me take her in, let me take care of her." He pauses, the silence becoming unbearable. "When I left here to save Sam's life, to protect your life and Gabriel's life, I said words that I never wanted to say to you but I knew that if I said them, you wouldn't look for me and you wouldn't die. That was my punishment, having to tell you that I never cared or loved for you when I knew I did, to watch your face fall every sleepless night as I said the things I did. I had meant to tell you this now hoping you would understand, hoping that you still cared but I'm not sure I see that any more."
   Castiel goes to speak, tears starting to stain his cheeks, "Dean, I... I didn't know, I--"
   Dean shakes his head, "you didn't know, I understand that but instead of hearing my side of the story you assumed the worst from me. That is what is so heartbreaking." He forces the tears back until he is back out of the bunker, slamming his fist against the wall as he lets the tears flow down his face. He thought about the nights he could sleep, the thought of being able to see Castiel again, to continue their life where they had left off. He had hoped Castiel would understand, would accept him, would cradle him in his arms as Dean cried but he knew that was just a dream, that nothing ever worked out the way they wanted them to.
   Dean feels something cool touch his hand and looks up at Castiel, watching the Angel wrap up his bloody knuckles. "I'm sorry, Dean. I hadn't realised how much you had sacrificed for Sam and us."
   Dean stares at him for a moment, letting the words sink in. "A sorry doesn't change how you feel, Cass."
   "I was angry Dean. I wasn't thinking straight, you had left me in the state you did and I didn't think of the consequences. Forgive me, please." Castiel says, his blue eyes looking at Dean with hope. He feels a weight lift off of his shoulder, the pain of the six months away from Castiel lifting and yet... What would happen now? Would they carry on where they left off or would they stay friends? There's so much Dean cares to know about and yet he feels the energy spill out of his body as he grows more tired, letting himself lean against Castiel for support against his tired limbs.