Breaking Control (Riders of Silence MC 1)

28: Castle of Glass

Serenity

It felt as is every single piece of me shattered into a million pieces. Hunter's words echoing in my head and he was right, I guess, I didn't belong here with them no matter how much I wanted a place of my own to be a part of, a family. I was involved, somehow I was and that resulted in two no, three people being mutilated. My face kept coming up, I don't know why but it was always being there. Hunter was right, I wasn't just some sort of student asking the wrong questions pissing people off. 

He had every right to be angry with me, he lost a brother and almost lost his closest brother because of me somehow. Hunter needed to know how to handle life and the second I showed up I fucked his up taking away his control, the very fabric he lived by.

If I was involved in any sort of way I needed to get out, I won't let one of them die again because of me, I had to get distanced from the fight that was forming around me.

Ignoring Spotter's attempt to stop me, I ran from him before he caught up as he called to me from the bar, telling me stop from leaving. I needed to be as far away from Hunter, the club and this whole thing where everything felt like it was spinning out from under me.

"Woah woah woah, what happened?" Hamlet asked as I collided against his chest just as I made it out of the clubhouse door, "you about to do adrenaline shit?"

"Don't worry about it Hamlet, I don't belong here, hell those people are dead because of me, I need to go." I rushed still fighting back tears as I tried to side step him but he just matched my movements, his face full of concern as he looked me over trying to find out what happened.

"That's not fucking true and we will get the fuckers who did this, you can't leave if they want you." He said calmly. "Serenity you are one of us even without a title."

"Stop with this title thing. I will never be Hunter's luna, he deserves better than me, someone who is not somehow fucking up his life and hurting him. I did my part with the escort now it is time I left." I plead to Hamlet just hoping he knew it was true and got out of my way.

"Serenity," Hamlet was still being calm, trying to soothe me, "I don't know where you got the idea you don't belong here or that Hunter deserves better than you because there could be no one better for him then you. Why don't we go back into the clubhouse and talk okay? No stupid adrenalin shit right."

Hamlet, the man had become like a brother to me but looking at him I could only see those bodies. The Prospect who could just have been Hamlet. So I didn't answer him, just shoved him out of my way running to my Impala ignoring his calls just as I had Spotter's, only running faster when I heard his boots coming after me. I needed to go away, I needed answers, fuck I don't know what I needed but being here isn't it.

Once I got to the car I jumped in and drove out of the lot, stepping on the gas as I watched the speedometer going higher and higher but I didn't care. The adrenaline of going that fast helped clear my mind, putting me at ease, making me forget about everything that I was driving away from. 

So that's what I did, I drove and drove, racing my car as fast as she could go through the back roads not paying attention to where I was, just driving.

When I finally parked my car I knew where I was, I guess it made sense that I would go here, to the only person that has every known me and who has loved me completely. Closing the door of the car I walked up the hill, standing behind Sarah's gravestone. Feeling silent tears rolling down my cheeks as my lips quivered. I so desperately had wanted people in my life that I didn't think of what could happen to them if they associated with me. Going through my life not caring for the consequences to my actions didn't effect me, now people were dead and someone who I cared about got hurt because I wasn't thinking. I needed my sister, that thought made the final movement for me and I walked in front of the grave falling to my knees, closing my eyes letting all my emotion out.