Forced to Become

Ch 40 oath

I looked out across the unfamiliar city skyline, lit by the rising sun. Wherever we were, it was a big city. Snow was starting to fall, swirling around on the wind. That's me, I thought as I watched the snow, caught on the wind with no choice where to go. Promise me. Andre's demand echoed within me. My path, I thought, watching one snowflake swirl away from the rest. Could I slip out of the current around me? Could I make my own path? I'd had no choice in so many things.

Having been forced to become a wolf was the easiest of the changes I'd endured so far, despite the pain that didn't go away like Beta had promised. The other changes within me were harder to see. Had I been home... but this was my home now. And my life, well...

I'd been forced to become a chess piece in the constant struggle between Alpha and Beta. Maybe not the pawn, because the way they used me was more complicated than that. The horse, maybe, sent in odd directions, shoved into the midsts of everyone's situations.

I was the champion of the omegas, who didn't dare speak up for themselves. I had to, or I wouldn't be the boy I was. This, I realized, was my choice. I could stand by, let the punishments land where they would, just worry about myself; but that wasn't who I was.

I was the funnel through which Alpha's rage was filtered. And yet, I'd chosen that path as well, challenging his authority to save my pack-mates. 

I still thought of myself as the shadow alpha sometimes, forced to step up and subvertly lead my pack. Beta was willing to make me an official-unofficial leader; Captain of the Guard, behind Alpha's back. That had its own dangers. And if that was all, I would be at peace. All that was what I had willingly taken on already myself; teaching my pack how to survive. The only difference now was both Beta and I agreed on all these points.

But what Beta was asking of me was more than that. I didn't know if I could do it. Despite my uncertainty, the coin Beta offered to buy my cooperation was one I couldn't refuse, for the sake of our past, and our future. To give our parents this much, to know we were alive and relatively well, not sexually abused like Jason's policeman father had feared, to let Andre's parents know he had died... I'd have to think of a way to word it to make Andre sound like a hero instead of a stubborn boy. My promise to him had made a difference in me; it kept me from losing myself. Sending a letter where I mention everyone's name... Jason's dad could work with that. That alone was worth it.

As for our future- to live forever under Alpha's rule wouldn't be living; we would never be free. To fight, to gang up on Alpha, attack him together, wear him down so Beta could kill him... a severe spasm ran through me from head to toe, making my hands flap against my thighs.

I didn't see myself as a killer, didn't want to become one, didn't want to help with... Beta promised that when the time came, he would do the deed. It was his responsibility as the royal heir. I thought of Andre. Both Alpha and Beta were responsible for Andre's death, but I couldn't bring myself to condemn Beta. He had tried to help, misguided as it was. It was his first attempt to do something to rein in Alpha's violence, bringing us in. How could he have known what would happen? It wasn't Beta's fault that he didn't know what to do. But Alpha, Alpha had beaten Andre past the point of no return. Alpha had directly killed Andre. Alpha deserved...

We'd have to practice, I decided as I stuck my tongue out to catch a snowflake. My body was shivering continuously now, and not just from the cold. I knew I couldn't stay out here much longer. Somehow, without alerting Alpha, we'd have to find some excuse to practice fighting. I struggled to think about how to word such a request in a way that would please Alpha; a way to disguise our real intent. Later, I decided with another violent shiver. I'll figure it out later.

Despite my decision, my mind went back to Alpha's story-time. He beat that omega-man down. He was worried about Beta's safety, the royal heir's safety. We would have to steel ourselves to practice on the omega-man. It wouldn't be the same as fighting Alpha. We will have to do drills with whatever skills we'll need. I'll have to pay more attention to how Alpha moves, both as a man and a wolf. Practice... another series of spasms went through me.

"Good One, it is time. Make your oath to me before we return. It's cold, and I don't want Alpha to worry and get upset."

I gave Beta a complicated look. I hated him right now for his veiled threat. Alpha was in with my pack. If Alpha got upset, he'd take it out on them. All this, getting my support through bribery, threats, and fear; it made me realize Beta would never trust us, not even me, not really. Alpha had taught him too well. Never trust the bitten. Beta couldn't understand that everything he did, it gave me a reason to resent and turn against him.

I sighed, submitting to the inevitable. Whether he fully trusted me or not, Beta was willing to use my desire to protect my pack to manipulate me. I was forced into the middle, made to be a buffer between the two leaders. Beta wasn't the only one who could manipulate. I had already worked out how to manipulate Alpha to some degree. I was not beyond pitting both side against each other, to keep them focused on each other. The trick would be to do so and not get caught in the cross-fire. It wouldn't be easy, and when the time came, Beta would have to be careful of us. He would have to give in to more of our demands, please us, give us the good home he promised.

Like what happened here before, I thought suddenly, getting a cold chill down my spine that had nothing to do with the weather. Maybe Alpha was right to fear the bitten. We would get strong, and if we didn't get what we wanted, we could rebel.

I looked solemnly at the younger boy next to me. For now, I had to play the game. Alpha was still terrifying. I had no doubt he would kill us if it came to a real fight. We were still kids, and Alpha was strong. Ten years from now, though, when we were more grown up...

I went to my knees on the light covering of snow. "I, the Good Guard, Captain of the regular guards," I started, giving myself the title he offered; internally I started a different oath- I, Nathan, leader of the kidnapped members of this pack... "give my oath to the royal heir," ...to my fellow pack members, "that I will support him as the legitimate alpha when he is ready to claim his position as leader of the Wallingford Pack," ...that I will support whoever offers us the best options for our future. "At that time, I will fight against anyone who seeks to challenge the authority of the royal heir," ... I will fight to keep us safe.

I looked at Beta, wondering if that was enough. I hadn't actually promised to attack Alpha. From his nod and smile, it looked like it was. His hand went briefly to my neck, then he hurried to the door to go back down.

I was quick to follow, telling myself the shivers that were afflicting me would stop once I was out of the biting wind.