Freckles & Curls | MILEVEN AU

four - years of waiting

song - Right Here Waiting by Kurt Hugo Schneider 

~"Oceans apart day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain"~

Waiting for happiness was something that she had gotten used to, counting down every single moment until it felt like everything would stop hurting. As she spent her days watching the sky, drawing patterns on the window pane, she could only hope that one day she would feel as free as the clouds. She could imagine spreading her hands out, reaching up to the sky as if she could fly away with no limit. The cold wind would caress her cheeks, her hair flying out behind her like a balloon as she looked up into the great unknown, not needing to worry about being seen or heard. She could speak up in class, she could make friends and walk around town without worrying that someone would figure out who she really was. She could use her powers when she was bored and nobody would look at her like she was a freak, they would praise her for being so different and so special, as if she held something so precious that she needed to protect. She knew that there was no point wishing for something that she could never have, but she just couldn't stop her hopeful heart from dreaming of the life that she really wanted. 

If she really held onto the thought for long enough, she could picture herself in another world with Mike and the family that she really needed. She could never have wished for a better father figure, Hopper filling the hole in her heart that had been left empty for so many years. But sometimes she wished that she could have a real family with brothers and sisters, with a mother tucking her in every night before kissing her father. She wanted them to look at her with love, not with concern in their eyes as if they were terrified that she could be snatched away again, like they could never truly give her everything. 

"You okay, kid?" Hopper asked that morning, glancing at her weirdly from across the table after noticing how quiet she had become. 

"Yes" she mumbled. 

He raised his eyebrows, chewing slowly. "You haven't finished your eggos."

Jane shrugged. 

"Okay, what's wrong?" he put his fork down suddenly, leaning over the table with nothing but concern in his eyes. He looked at her like she was something that he needed to figure out, like she would never truly be part of his family no matter how much they both wanted that. 

"Nothing" she shook her head, looking out of the window at the clouds. 

Hopper sighed. "Can I help?"

She shrugged. 

"Well, why don't you try and explain it to me? We can both worry about it then, it won't be nearly as bad as you think. Maybe we can solve it together."

Jane bit her lip, thinking about his suggestion for a long moment. She truly did not know how to describe it, the nagging sensation in her heart whenever she overheard the children in her class talking about heading to the diner after school, or the sob crawling up her throat as she ran away from Mike to keep him safe. She did not have enough words to describe how bad it felt to have to wait for so long, to have spent so many years stuck inside and learning her words before she was able to even go to school. Hopper had let her decorate her room and she had enrolled into school, but it didn't make her feel any less alone. 

"Will I ever be free?" 

Hopper's fork paused on the way to his lips. "What?"

Jane looked down silently. 

"What do you mean?" he continued to frown, trying to keep his voice soft. "What would make you feel free, kid? I am working on getting you more classes at school and-"