Freckles & Curls | MILEVEN AU

sixteen - care for you

song - Hesitate by The Jonas Brothers

~"I will take your pain
And put it on my heart
I won't hesitate
Just tell me where to start
I won't hesitate for you"~

The clock hands stopped moving. Hours, minutes and seconds counted down to the moment that brought her back there, to the exact moment that she stepped outside. She could not sleep, every night filled with the sound of her own heavy breaths in her ears, legs pounding alongside the beat of her heart to an unsteady melody. Her movements were frantic, arms pushing against every tree and rock as if they would transfer her energy to keep moving, knowing that she could not stop until she was far, far away. It was a moment that should have brought her eternal joy, sending calming waves through her bones at the realization that she had finally made it to the other side of that tall building. But all she could think about was what she came from, and how it was still on the other side of that wall, waiting for her to return, perhaps even watching without her even knowing. It did not set her on edge, because it was more than that. She was already on the edge, slowly waiting for the moment that they would push her off, shoving her off the platform of everything that had ever saved her. The only thing that the day reminded her of, was that she was safe for now - but that wouldn't always be the case. 

All it took was a certain sound, or a word that would act as a teleport, zipping her back into the stone walls that held her captive for so long. One moment her friends would be laughing along to jokes, eating their lunch at school and she would be enjoying their company. The next moment she would catch a flash of something so insignificant, something that somehow still changed everything and sent her back into the prison that she once called home. 

"El?" his voice was full of humor. 

After blinking, she noticed his dark eyes that were lit up with the usual sparkle. She would have smiled at him, perhaps gathered up the courage to press a small kiss to his cheek so that he flushed bright red, but she could not even catch her breath. "Y-Yeah?"

Mike noticed how breathless she sounded, frowning. "You okay?"

"Y-Yeah."

He shook his head slightly with a strange look before turning back to his friends, trying to swallow down the fear inside of him. Sometimes he looked into her eyes and practically saw nobody there, like she was nothing more than a silhouette in his mind, reflecting off the darkness in his eyes without her usual light. She would nod along to his questions, smiling halfheartedly but it was forced as if she had not really been listening. He didn't want to push her away but he couldn't stop the fear that spread through him whenever she gave him that faraway look, as if he didn't know her at all. It wasn't just the worry that something was going on with her, and that she was keeping secrets from him again - it was more than that. It was the fear that he would lose her, and that perhaps he never had her at all. 

"Dustin, stop it! That's so gross!"

"Hey!"

Lucas snorted. "Why don't you feed that to your ugly cat?"

"Mews is not ugly" Dustin gasped, placing a hand over his heart as if offended. "He is a beautiful cat with soft fur, that deserves more love from all of you shitheads."

Max shivered. "I have this creepy white cat that hangs out my neighborhood. It's eyes are dark and just scream evil but my Mom insists on slipping it leftovers-"

Jane's fork clattered to the floor. 

"E-El?" Mike asked worriedly, searching her face. 

His voice was muffled, nothing more than a faraway whisper as he had already been taken away from her as they pushed her off the edge. The tables in the cafeteria faded, turning white as the image of their lunch trays in her mind molded into a silver-steel cage. All she could see was a bright white cat hissing at her, eyes screaming for help at the same time as threatening her with harm, despite being trapped in a cage of its own. She looked into its dark eyes and as much as it terrified her, she realized how similar she was to the caged animal. That is what scared her most of all, that she was losing every sense of her humanity.