The Silence

Chapter Twenty Seven

Julian:
"Are you sure you're not mad at me?" Saint asked me softly when it was dark and my mother had gone home to shower and bring back some clothes for me to change into.
"I'm not." I said and he dropped his forehead on mine. The bed was small, but that didn't stop him from climbing up here with me and keeping me company while we waited for the doctor.
"Next time I'll definitely ask." He said and I smiled to myself.
"Next time?" He lifted his head and combed his fingers through my hair. Just that was enough to make my skin prickle with goose bumps and I blushed when I felt myself getting hard.
"Next time." He whispered and I closed my eyes when he kissed my lips gently. "You still feel warm." He said softly and I wrapped my arms around him before he could pull away.
"It's just hot." I lied and he chuckled.
"It's really not. Do you think maybe you're getting the flu?" He asked and I shrugged.
"I don't think so."
"It's my fault. I should have made sure you were warm. At school." He said, rubbing my arms lightly. "It wouldn't have taken long for you to grab a jacket." I laid my head on his chest and kept quiet.
I could only lie for so long. Yes, I had been cold and maybe I did have a bit of a fever, but in the back of my mind, all I could think about was the fact that I hadn't had my medication for two days now and I was feeling ...it felt too much like that day.. 5 years ago. No. There was nothing wrong. Everything would be fine.

"Baby. Do you want to try eat again?" Saint asked I paused. Baby? It didn't feel like a nickname I would particularly like but coming from Saint's lips...
"I could eat." I said when my stomach pinched.
"Spaghetti?"
"That's fine."
When my food arrived, I sat up in the bed and Saint rolled over the table that I could eat on. It didn't look very appetizing. It was a congealed mess of pasta and sauce and something green, but Saint was looking at me hopefully, so I forced down each mouthful. I was almost done when my stomach turned and I could feel the food inside roll around dangerously. Uh oh.
"You OK?" Saint asked and when I tried to nod, I gagged. It was definitely coming back up. I scrambled off the bed as fast as I could and just when my knees touched the floor, everything I'd just eaten came up in a wave of vomit. Oh God. I heaved again and gripped the toilet seat tightly when my stomach cramped. It tasted so much worse coming up than it did going down.
"Julian." A warm hand started rubbing up and down my spine and I leaned into the touch. "Breathe." Saint said softly and I took a few deep breaths. It helped with the nausea but I still felt like crap and I just wanted to get back to bed. He helped me up and I rinsed out my mouth carefully.
"Feel better?"
"Yeah." Another lie. The cramps were getting worse and now my head felt like it was about to split open.
"Jules?" I could barely look up when my mother came up to me. "Was he throwing up?"
"Yeah. He was trying to eat and - " A strong shudder coursed through me and I fell against the bed. Fuck. "Julian!"
"Get a nurse." My mother hissed and I squeezed my eyes shut. The light was killing me. "Tell me what's wrong, sweetie."
"I ..." I choked on the words. Everything was wrong. My stomach felt weird and my head was exploding from the inside out. I couldn't get my legs to work and slid to the floor in a heap. I was... My tinnitus hit me full force and I was so taken aback that I gasped at the intensity of it. It was so loud. Everything was so loud suddenly. Voices got louder. Even my own breathing was loud. I ripped my hearing aids out and i could even hear those clatter on the floor. Its like it was right in my ear, ringing in my brain.
"Julian." Strong hands gripped my arm and I wanted to wrap myself in him.
"Saint..." I whispered. Another shiver and I couldn't stop shaking. I could feel myself being lifted back on the bed and there were more voices now, but damn it, I couldn't make mine work fast enough to warn them that I was going to be sick again.
"Julian!" Saint cried out next to me. "Julian, look at me." I couldn't. I couldn't even move my head. It felt so heavy.
"Get the syringe." 
"Hold his head. He's going to choke."
"Julian!"
"Get Dr Smith."
"I need that syringe!"
"Julian." My eyes finally found Saint and I focused on him. "Julian? Breathe. Everything's going to be fine. Breathe and look at me. Julian. Julian?"

I was so tired. Everything ached and I didn't want to open my eyes. I didn't want to do anything. I just wanted to lie there and sleep. As tired as I was though, I couldn't stay like this forever. I was hungry. Starving. What time was it? When my eyes opened, I was shocked to see it was daytime. It had been so quiet I thought that it was...
Saint was sitting next to the bed, sound asleep. He looked as tired as I felt with those dark circles under his eyes. I hated to wake him up.
"Saint." I tried to call out but my voice was too soft. "Saint." I said again, trying to be louder but... Shit. Had my hearing gone again? I took a second to listen. I fiddled with my hearing aids, setting the volume on the highest number but ...No...I couldn't hear anything. There was just silence.
"Saint." I said in what I hoped was a loud voice. He startled and sat up quickly.
'Julian?' I read on his lips. He babbled hurriedly and maybe he'd been getting too used to the hearing aids because he kept looking away as he spoke.
"Saint." I tapped his arm. "Saint, I can't...I can't hear you." He froze and I saw his eyes flicker to my hearing aids.
'You can't hear?' He signed.
"No." He blinked at me for a moment and nodded slowly.
'OK.' He signed. 'Are you feeling OK?' I nodded, and the fact that I didn't feel like throwing up or punching a hole in my skull to let the troll poking around in my brain out, was a good enough sign for me.
"I feel much better." I said. "Is my mom here?"
'She left. Food.' He sighed and leaned over the bed so he could plant a kiss on my cheek. It was so gentle it made my heart sing.
"I'm so hungry." I said and Saint gave me another kiss.
'You were asleep for too long.'
"How long" He hesitated and held up 4 fingers. "Four days? I was asleep for four days?!" At his nod, I sat up in bed and looked around me. Everything looked the same. I don't know how I was supposed to tell how many days had passed, but it seemed ridiculous that I would be out for almost - my brain stuttered when I remembered the last time I'd been sick and stayed asleep for that long. My hearing had disappeared then too. I was touching my ears as I tried not to freak out when my mother walked in. She dropped the bags she was holding and rushed towards me.
'Julian.' Saint must have told her I can't hear her because she froze and suddenly there were tears in her eyes. 'Julian. I was so worried.'
"I'm fine, Mom."
'How are you feeling? Do you need - '
"I'm starving. I could eat a horse." I said and she smiled brightly, reaching out to pat my head gently.
'Of course you are. I brought some things but I don't think you're allowed junk food right now.' She handed Saint a packet of crisps and I glanced back and forth between them. Mom had bought food for Saint? 'I'll go get something from the nurse's cafeteria.'

I ate two servings of bland stew and bread and when it stayed down, the doctor came by to check on how I was doing. He went through so many tests, I was getting sleepy again, and I wasn't paying much attention to what he was saying to my mother until she stumbled backwards and almost fell on the floor. Saint caught her just as her knees buckled and I moved to get up out of the bed.
"Mom. Mom, are you OK?" Her eyes met mine when I stood in front of her and she just burst into tears. What the hell? I looked up at Saint but he looked like he was about to cry too. What was going on? "Mom..." She brought a shaking hand up to her mouth and Saint helped her to sit in the chair.
'Saint. What is it. What's wrong?'
'Julian...'
'Tell me.'
'He said...' Saint paused and let out a breath. He looked around and rubbed a hand over his tired face, then took his phone out of his pocket. I watched him as he typed, taking deep breaths and stopping once to press a finger to the corner of his eye. When he handed me the phone, his hand was shaking too.

'Julian. Four days ago, you had a seizure. It was really bad. So they had to keep you asleep. For your brain to heal. But he says there's nothing they can do about your ears. The damage was too severe.'

I reread the message twice and frowned. A seizure? Why didn't I remember?
"What do you mean, the damage to my ears?" Saint's lips pinched and my mother covered her face with her hands. "Inside?" He nodded. My inner ear had always been very sensitive. Having a seizure would be ... "It's damaged? How badly?"
Somehow I already knew the answer. I don't know why I bothered asking. Judging by their reactions alone, it could only mean one thing.
"It's gone, isn't it? Forever. My hearing is gone."