Madam Spellman one-shots

I can't do this anymore... (Pt4)

She stares into space, not listening to any of the words that leave her assistant's mouth. Her mind is somewhere far away, remembers a better time and place, where she is happy and her wishes come true. She is happy. Her wishes do come true.

She keeps staring at that one point on the other end of the huge thrown hall as if it would give her answers to the uncountable number of unanswered questions that plague her day and night time. The brunette can clearly see the small mouth of the innocent girl move somewhere in the corner of her eyes but she doesn't bother listening to her unimportant rambling. That's what everything is. Unimportant. Nothing exciting comes up nowadays.

She imagined being the Queen of Hell would be a little bit more... fulfilling.

"My Queen?" the girl asks and waves a hand in front of her face, trying to get her full attention. Lilith snaps out of her deep day dream and feels disappointment rise at the realization that she's still right there in that huge hall all by herself. With a snarl, the brunette turns her head to look at the petite blonde, who is trembling at the intense glare of her Queen; the one person she worships.

It's obvious to even the blindest person that the girl adores her leader and probably looks up to her more than she should. She would gladly take a bullet for her Queen, dying an honorable death. The pure devotion in those brown puppy eyes makes Lilith roll her eyes in annoyance.

She doesn't need anyone to take a bullet for her, she'd rather do that herself.

She doesn't need anyone to fight her battles, to take care of her, to...love her.

"What?" She growls, annoyed by the sheer fact of somebody interrupting her alone time, she so desperately needs. Her thoughts haven't been the same ever since Zelda's return home. They seem to drift off more than often and she finds herself in places she doesn't remember going to.

It has gradually gotten worse and the less sleep she gets, the more she finds herself losing grip on reality. She zooms out and entire hours go missing from her memory, hours in which she could have killed someone... Hours in which she could have hurt someone and she doesn't remember any of it when she regains her senses.

Rubbish. Why would it matter? She has never been against killing to get where she wants to be, so why does it matter now that she has reached everything she always yearned for?

"Your majesty they are getting impatient. They want new orders from their Queen," the girl, whose name Lilith doesn't even remember, says and she huffs at the ridicule of the situation. What do they want to hear from her? What to do? How to live their life?

No, she abided to Satan's rules for way too long to force other unfortunate souls to abide to hers now. She knows how it feels to be powerless. She knows how much you need someone to open your eyes to what's going wrong around you and the way her Lord led the kingdom is more than just wrong in Lilith's eyes.

"What should I tell them, your majesty?" the girl pushes again and Lilith just closes her eyes, not wanting to look at her, look at the blank walls, look at the sterile room, look at her self-made prison. It's not a prison if it's all she ever wanted...

"I don't know..." Lilith says and shakes her head slightly. On any other day she would have snapped, probably ripped off the head of the poor creature that managed to be at the wrong place during one of her bad moods, but Lilith feels drained off all her energy.

Her muscles are sore from all the pacing she does at night, her eyes burn from the sleep she so desperately needs, her mouth feels dry from the lack of fluids that end up running down her swollen throat, her throat burns while drinking from all the screaming and crying she does when she's alone, her stomach screams for food she doesn't eat and her head hurts from a combination of all of the above.