Sweet Iced Tea

Chapter 46

Saturday, November 29th

I didn't sleep last night. The videos kept replaying in my mind, over and over, until I wanted to die, and at that point I decided to turn them back on. If it's going to ache, I might as well keep to the real thing.

Now I'm still in bed, exactly the way it was yesterday. Except the box is open, and I won't be able to wrestle my demons back into it.

I pick up the bag, turning it upside down and jarring it slightly. It rattles, like there's more in a pocket or something.

I unbutton the main pocket and pull out a clear case. It has an sd card inside, and written on the transparent plastic encasing it, in sloppy market writing, "all the things I didn't ever tell you and some other stuff to".

He didn't write the second 'o' in too, I notice, and, uncapping one of the markers on my nightstand, I write it in.

He would laugh at that. And he'd call me his little grammar Nazi, even though it's not really grammar, it's spelling. 'Cause he was always incorrect about things like that.

I slip it into the slot, and watch apprehensivly as it loads, and then slowly press play.

"Alright, Leah. Here's some things I never told you, that might interest you to know. Because, after watching you watch movies and read books, I know you like extra details and deleted scenes and stuff, because that's who you are.

"Well, to start out, you were my first kiss. That, is why I didn't kiss you that day when you first admitted to loving me. I was scared. And yes, you did say, "Why did he stop?" out loud. Sorry to embarrass you, but you did.

"Anyway," he laughs, seemingly distracted by how funny it is.

I stare down at the screen, shaking my head. "Horse nerd."

"Oh, yeah. The other thing. The sweet tea is amazing. Almost as amazing as your kisses. Not quite, but almost. Um... how much time do I have? Okay. I've got a while.

"My sister Lacy is adopted. That's not important, but I just decided to throw it out there.

"Luke is ADHD. And he has really bad mood swings, so be careful. It's not dangerous, but don't let it hurt your feelings if he says something completely out of order. Because that's who he is. He's a turkey. He's a bit crazy.

"You, are a natural introvert. Just saying that, because you seem to think you're an extrovert. You're not. I know the way you love your quiet time and can only take so much attention. If you were a true extrovert, like me, you wouldn't feel that way. I don't know how that goes along with anything, but since you can't argue with me about it, I guess it's better said this way.

"You looked adorable that night that I carried you through the clinic parking lot. I wish you could see yourself that way. It's pretty incredible how you don't know how beautiful you are.

"I love your eyes. They're really big, and a shade of brown somewhere between hot cocoa and molasses, with a little bit of green at the edge of your irises. They're really expressive, especially when you're angry. You're adorable when your mad. Except when you're mad at me, then it pisses me off. Sorry."

I did not know that. (Sarcasm.) I thought you loved it when I got mad at you.

"I love you, and I would never dream of being with anyone else. No one else would do. Because no one else is you." He grins. "Wow. That sounded like a song. Wait. Could you finish writing that? Maybe sing it for some important gathering? Don't be nervous. You'll be awesome.

"Anyway, that's about it. There's not much that I didn't tell you. But there is one thing I have told you a lot, but not often enough.

"I love you." And the screen goes black.

I smack the side of the camera a couple of times. "Turn back on!" I growl.

It does, after a few more smacks, and I play the next video.

"Okay. Before I start this, I'm going to say something. It's all Bailey's idea. I never would have thought of this on my own. And I don't know what song you'd want me to sing for you, so I found one. Alright. It's a surprise. Just listen. Music begins to play, and I immediately recognize it add being from that song, "All of Me" by John Legend.

"What would I do without your smart mouth? Drawing me in, and you kicking me out. You've got my head spinning, no kidding, I can't pin you down.

"What's going on in that beautiful mind? I'm on your magical mystery ride. And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be alright.

"My head's under water, but I'm breathing fine. You're crazy and I'm out of my mind.

"'Cause all of me, loves all of you. Love your curves and all your edges, all your perfect imperfections. Give your all to me, I'll give my all to you. You're my end and my beginning. Even when I lose I'm winning. 'Cause I give you all of me, and you give me all of you, ohoh

"How many times do I have to tell you, even when you're crying you're beautiful too. The world is beating you down, I'm around through every mood. You're my downfall, you're my muse. My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues. I can't stop singing, it's ringing, in my head for you.

"My head's under water, but I'm breathing fine. You're crazy and I'm out of my mind.

"'Cause all of me, loves all of you. Love your curves and all your edges, all your perfect imperfections. Give your all to me, I'll give my all to you. You're my end and my beginning. Even when I lose I'm winning. 'Cause I give you all of me, and you give me all of you, ohoh

"Give me all of you. Cards on the table, we're both showing hearts, risking it all, though it's hard.

"'Cause all of me, loves all of you. Love your curves and all your edges, all your perfect imperfections. Give your all to me, I'll give my all to you. You're my end and my beginning. Even when I lose I'm winning. 'Cause I give you all of me, and you give me all of you.

"I give you all of me, and you give me all of you, ohoh."

And just like that, it's over. It goes back to the main screen, and he's not singing anymore. His last song. I'm just starting to pull myself back together when my phone rings.

Should I answer it? I don't want to, but should I?

I swipe my finger across the lit-up screen. "Hello?"

"Hey, is this Leah? I've been going through Josh's stuff, and I decided to give you a call."

It's his dad, and I can tell from the hoarseness in his voice that he's not been having a good day either.

"Hi. It's nice hearing from ya." I say softly, setting the camera back inside the bag, "How are you doing today?"

"Alright. I've got some things that you might want here for you to look at. Did he ever tell you what he wanted done with his horses?"

"Yeah, actually he did." I reply, keeping my gentle tone. I can will myself to speak louder. "He said Blue is Jonah's, Peppermint is Grace's, and Cat and Hunter are mine. Cora gets a horse too, he said, but he didn't know which one she wanted. Red is yours."

"Okay. Red's a good horse."

"I guess Josh thought so too. He gave him to you."

"Alright. Thanks darlin'. And tomorrow at church we're having a memorial service. If you want to come, I'd be happy to take you."

I nod. "Yeah, I'll go. That's a good idea, actually." It was his last request, but I'm not sure that I can do it. What if the people there judge me? What if they don't approve of me? What if?

"Good. I'll pick you up at eight."

"Okay." I whisper, and he hangs up.